l 5 days til I'm headed home ? l

| October 24, 2004 || 10:32 p.m. |

Happy Birthday to brucegirl! Go over and give that girl some love! I am totally late on sending her an email and updating my diary but I have more then a valid reason.

I partied & sang my ass off with a couple bands all night long last night! I made it home to my Dad's this morning to crawl into bed around 830A. I slept a terrible sleep until around 4ish only to wake up completely exhausted and feeling like crap. I did drink but not all night long & surprisingly to myself I had a blast hanging out with my cousin Jared & all of his friends. I even [gasp] met a woman whom sings so well with me I could just marry her! Well I don't know if you would understand that type of musical connection but I've never in my life had someone sing with me that fit so well with my voice! I would love to sing with her again and it was a damn shame that she lives here and not closer to me where ever I end up.

I met some really cool guys too. One whom was the drummer of the band All Purpose was really sweet - I think we clicked quite a bit as well. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him again but I don't see that happening. Same with a guy that works w/ Jared, sweet & a total flirt. Shit the band even has a song about him called the "wild penis" - a little full of himself yes & no I wouldn't know the truth to any of that song but we had some great conversations and he was in love with my voice [as was a lot of the others, well all of them but I feel weird typing that].

It was a great distraction being able to go out with them right after the baby shower on last night [Saturday] since it was Suisse's b-day. I did him the same to me w/ the text messaged 'happy birthday' in the morning & he apparently didn't get it or just didn't respond to it until I was getting ready to walk out the door of the shower 9 hours later but he did say thank you. It's still extremely tough dealing with all of this. I'm trying my best & that is all I can do. I called Thea yesterday on my drive over to my cousin's house to meet up before the shower. I had such a strong urge to call him but I knew that since he hadn't even acknowledged the previous nights im of happy birthday that he would more then likely not pick up the phone. It seems like he can chat a little indirectly but refuses to let himself interact with me directly. Maybe that is his way of keeping himself from saying something that might hurt either on of us or lead one of the other on. I don't know. He has such strong self restraint I hate it. I don't & that is what kills me. I can barely keep my hands off my cell phone in hopes that it might ring or when I want to call and just linger over his name and picture in my cell memory.

Well I have my list written down of all the things I need to accomplish before I move & the deadline is looking like the second week of November. That looks like when I will be moving. Funny that just about this time last year is when I moved out of Suisse's. Shit I would have figured a year later I would be moving back in rather then to another state! Hmmm.. I guess one can never tell about these things.

Today's scopes~ You know when you're heading into trouble. The more warning you have, the easier it will be to deal with problems as they come up. Instead of dwelling on how everything affects you, see what kind of ripples you're making in the world around you. From that perspective, it's much easier to regulate the flow of events. You take special delight in being of service to other people. Follow their gaze to learn more about their hopes and fears and distract yourself from what would normally bother you. Who knew that you could profit in a time of loss?