l I want her to want me I need for me to not want her l

| November 08, 2012 || 10:38 a.m. |

Maybe she's not into me or maybe she really doesn't know and can't see through all my vague and passive flirting. I don't know. Mixed signals for sure. I've been a little more ballsy then I normally would be and definitely should be but I was beginning to think her flirtation or the bringing up of her past dating history having been, well the stealing of other peoples spouses, was kinda her way of hinting at me... Perhaps not? Ugh. But then again I shouldn't be trying for anything I just want to try, I want to lift her up onto the bar top, stand between the warmth of her legs, right arm grabbing the back of her hair just rough enough to pull her lips down onto mine while my left hand caresses from the curve of her cheek, tracing my way down over her breasts, hips and eventually the the small of her back... then I want to lay her back and kiss my way down... damn I am getting excited again just thinking about her.

I've got to stop this or just do something about it. Damn it, I shouldn't do anything about it. That is the wrong thing to do but every sensory nerve in my body is screaming and writhing for her.

I honestly haven't masturbated this much in a long time. I haven't had any sex drive since becoming sober until now... Did I only force dick upon myself when I was drunk and had no female alternatives? I know I am very agressive with women when I've been drinking and I think that was because I am too timid to make a move when sober.

So many complications and thoughts; choices.