l Life is nothing but peanuts and cherries until you make a PB & J! l

| Monday, May. 06, 2002 || 2:22 p.m. |

I am dying... slowly but surely digging myself a deeper and deeper grave.

I have no money, just got strep throat this past weekend missing almost 2 complete days from work. I have no money for rent which is now past due. My roommate gave me her half yesterday...late. She better not expect me to shell out the late fee. This is just as much on her as it is me. She doesn't need to know that I don't have anything, just that she gave me her half 2 days late and she seems to think that I should have called her. Is it now my responsibility to be her receptionist and house maid? I thought I was just going to be a room mate but I must have guessed wrong. What fucking application did I sign on to?

My dad is trying to figure out if he can help me or not, if he can't then I am so completely screwed.

My milwaukee man is so incredibly sweet, I don't think I would be sane right now if it wasn't for him. I was awoken on Saturday morning by a delivery man bringing me the most beautiful bouquet I have ever seen! He has done nothing but worship the ground I walk on since we first professed his love to me. We talk incessantly. At least 5-6 times a day and into the wee hours of the morning. I feel bad because he insists that I call him when I get in from Cheers and it was 2 in the morning for him last night and we stayed on the phone until 5 am (for him, he is 2 hours ahead). Then calls me when I need to wake up with the now ritualistic "Good Morning My Princess" in Italian. He wants so badly to be here with me. The poor sensitive man. He is very sensitive, I don't know how to take that all the time. I know I am strong and I have always been so, I can take care of the big stuff that requires balls, but it would occasionally be nice to not have to wear the pants in the family... ya know?

I am not having doubts about him at all, just expressing my thoughts. He has really lead a very sheltered life and here I am lil Miss. Bad-girl gone good or vice versa; depends on how you look at it I guess. I am confused with what to expect when he gets out here. In one of his emails he said how he was not ready to move in with me, but then again he left it very ambiguous by saying how he would never want to say no to me. Then on the phone just 20 minutes ago and in an email he keeps saying we'll take care of each other and can't wait until the nightly phone calls turn into nightly snuggle fests where we'll be able to just crawl into bed with each other.

I guess I'll just have to be blunt with him about it later.

I am not pregnant... did I say anything about that in my last entry? I don't know, but I am not... When I told him I wasn't he said "Well that is good news at least this time." Does that mean next time it he hopes I am?

When asked what he would want to do if I was he simply said that he would be on the next flight here to take care of me... He wanted to keep it. "We know we love each other so why not?". I guess, but thank god I am not. That is not how I wanted to start this off. I have my plan and I am sticking to it.

I am seriously considering moving to Washington now too. Just because then I can go to school full time and get a damned degree, plus cost of living is so much nicer.

All my girls could feasibly go with me too. Neighbor girl and DownStairs girl, we all have family there and could easily get a cheap house somewhere... We should really discuss it at great lengths. I really do not want to move out of my place, but I no longer wish to play house made etc.

I have to really start getting serious about my life and my goals... I am not a teenage anymore and I need to become a lot more responsible.

**NO MORE FUCKING AROUND!!!**