l Desire, ask, believe, receive. l

| Monday, Jun. 09, 2003 || 4:57 p.m. |

I have some major typing to do in order to fill all y�all in on the wedding & the latest haps of my incredibly fascination, titillating life! The wedding went off nearly without one hitch. What I mean by that is half of the guests arrived after the ceremony since the directions sent out were wrong� those guests included my Dad & his wife which was half of my cousin�s family that should have been there. We started 20 minutes late waiting for people to arrive & when we started w/out half the Bride�s family I got pissed, but who am I to be bitchin�? It�s not my wedding so I kept my cute lips shut & tried my best to keep from crying/laughing as I listen to the Marrying Minister (whatever they are called) mispronounce my Cousin�s name. My camera battery died early on after the ceremony, which is a damned shame since the most incriminating hilarious photo ops were late in the reception when the groom proceeded to get up on tables for some drunken stripping & then my cousin with her dress all hiked up in her arms (picture Cyndi Lauper in girls just wanna have fun � skirt billowing from her clutches) up on the table half bent over while he air slaps her arse! The Groom�s family (or at least the brothers) one with a garter on his head & the other a tie dancing & flailing like drunken Buddha�s. Overall the night was great. I was sober by the time I left which is a promise I made to Daddy so he�d let me stay until whenever I wanted to drive the two hours back to his house that night.

The Ducks kicked the Devils arse that day! Thank goodness & Tonight we are so going to cream them on their own turf for the Stanley Cup! I can�t wait � the game starts in fifteen minutes & I will miss the beginning because of work. OOh well it�s always on at midnight again anyways.

I had a great conversation with Neighborgirl about our insecurities while I was waiting for my Suisse to get back from LAX last night. He gave me his key so I could let myself in after running home. It was weird being there without him & I had the urge to look. For what I have no clue. For anything that might say that I could not possibly be in a trusting, healthy, functional relationship I suppose. Why? Why you ask can I not let myself be happy & not so suspicious? We came to the conclusion or something like it, that we have both been hurt so badly in the past that our minds play an evil game of �everyone that loves you couldn�t possibly really love you� or �everyone you love will hurt you if you don�t find out their secrets first & leave them.� For a while I thought maybe I was just a drama queen that could not live a normal life without conflict or some crazy mellow drama going on in my life. Eeer wrong! I know that drama seems to happen around me quite me a bit But I want to be happy damn it! I resisted the temptation though so that does say something right? Right? I don�t want to be thatgirl. I don�t want to be anything other then the girl/woman/significant other that makes the house tidy, does laundry together, cooks, takes care of each other & blah blah blah. I would like nothing more than to just co-habitat with him here, there; everywhere we decide to go together.

This week is my spiritual, material & emotional cleansing week. I will bathe in sea salt & have a nice little bon fire with of my past (relationships) going up in smoke. What I can not burn I will donate to charity (clothes & such). I need to get all this emotional baggage off of my back & get back in touch with moi & mother nature herself.

I have so much more I want to write but the game & my Suisse are calling me. I must be off!

Suspicion dissolves into affection. Peace grows from a standoff. Enlightened self-interest makes strong friendships. The Stars bring balance and convergence to your life.