l �Semi-finals� l

| Tuesday, Jul. 22, 2003 || 11:10 a.m. |

Today is round [2] in the semi-finals @ the Ess Club. I am nervous & not sure what I want to sing now. I finally received the Karaoke CD�s I ordered on Friday & although the Mariah CD is not her original music (it is that synthesized crap) I think it will do this time. There are background vocals that kind of take the high notes lead but I can sing it better & hopefully that won�t affect my score tonight. I would hate to flop in front of my Mom & all her fed friends.

My poor Suisse hasn�t been feeling well still since we�ve decided to quit smoking. Last night he told me that he has been feeling very strange lately: not wanting to get out bed, not wanting to work or go anywhere, do anything. Just feeling tired & strange. I asked if he was happy, thinking that maybe he was depressed but no he said he was & is very happy. I wonder if it is all from the nicotine withdrawals or if something is wrong. He has been doing a lot better than I have w/ quitting. I cheat nearly everyday I get a chance to. I went all yesterday w/out a cig but I am sure that I will sneak one today while @ Pierce Street. I have absolutely no will power! When it comes to anything else I can have amazing self-restraint but not w/ nicotine.

A friend of mine recently proclaimed their love to me & I am afraid that because I do not reciprocate that the friendship is now lost� at least for a little while. Which really sucks cause she was a great girl but we are just not in the same spots in life & now is just not the time for me to be w/ anyone other than my Suisse. I hope that things will work out for the best. I truly do.

I am so nervous about tonight. What to wear, what to sing, what to wear?

If you want to watch me & cheer me on well & of course you just so happen to live in the Southern California area drop me a line! I just might buy you a drink! Or play you a game of pool. Either way it�ll be fun! Ooh & if you bring a video camera & make me a copy I�d love you forever & a day! * wink *