l Career planning. when will I have my real career? l

| Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003 || 12:32 p.m. |

I slept like a baby. I must have woke up about 5 times; I told you like a baby! Once around 11pm whining a little bit even� I was naked & cold, Suisse had taken most of the sheet & asked me what was wrong [ahhhh he woke up when he heard me fussing!]; I had had a bad dream to boot so he helped cover me up w/ the comforter & kissed my arm. The other times I awoke were really no bug deal, mostly just the alarm that is set for way too early [purposely]. So we alternate the snoozing hitting, me first, I ask him the second & sometimes third time then if a fourth is required it is I that does the honors. Today is the first day in a while that I feel fully rested. It�s nice.

My grandma called only moments ago to let me know the status of my Mom�s mastectomy. It went very well. They were able to fill the spacer [?] more than they had thought so the left side will not look so much smaller than the non-cancer-ridden breast. The only down side is she is in a lot more pain then the first surgery, but they are letting her go home later today. She�s a tough, strong woman, I know she�ll be just fine, but I will be calling her & my G later today when I get the chance.

I miss my family. I�ve been living close to a thousand miles away from them for about 6 months now. Well my mom has been in Texas since Suisse & I started dating. In fact we hooked up the same day my mom & Aussie left [March 12th].

I�ve been here @ my present company for a year on September 12th [there seems to be a 12th pattern. Huh], & I am all ready beginning to think that maybe I should look elsewhere for employment. I am back in the �what do I want to do for the rest of my life� phase that I go through @ least once a year. Maybe I would be happier if I found a job where I could go back to beauty school. I have been wanting to finish that up for years now, but in order for me to do that it would cost money to start all over & I would have to find a job that would be nights & weekends since most all BS�s are open regular business hours [m-f/8-5]. I don�t know if I could do that. Do what? Be a bartender? Cocktail waitress? Back to Retail? No, no retail would not allow me to not work anytime between 8-5/m-f. I don�t know. Even if I did do all of that I would never seen my Suisse or be able to do things on the weekends like we do.

I want to start doing more, like couple stuff. We lay about way too much. I want us to put our roller-blades to use, he suggested finding me a beach cruiser bike or just a bike to ride about. I want us to be active together! Exercise man! He laughed about the little bit of a belly he�s getting on Sunday while we were tailgating before Bruce. Please. Him w/ rollie pollies? I told him he must be having twins jokingly & I�d teach him how to pee on a stick. He�s so skinny & it makes me feel as if I am even bigger than I am. It�s pretty bad when a girl out weighs her own boyfriend [we weigh just about the same �I�m maybe 3-5 lbs heavier but still].

Argh� I want to just get rich quick & have myself a personal trainer. I am worried about going back to the gym this soon after my accident cause it hurts to type for long periods of time, my back is still bothering me & I have weird pain in my shoulder [left]. I just don�t think the Doc gave me a real examination or even listened completely to my complaints. Maybe I should have bitched a little bit more. I�m sure he really didn�t or doesn�t care since nothing was broken. Fuck I hate Doctors.

Anyways I better get back to work.