l A Saturday update for a change l

| Saturday, Sept. 20, 2003 || 1:18 p.m. |

I'm actually updating on a weekend, what a difference a day makes right?

I did a lot of writing last night. I will not be posting any of it here or there for it is nothing that I wish to keep around.

As part of my 'healing' therapy process or shall I say grieving... I wrote a few letters or streams of consciousness about & to my unborn child & milwaukee. Surprisingly enough neither of them were angry letters but filled with oh shit i don't know nor should I really write about it again since I have shredded them this morning.

That was a first for me. I have always held onto all the poems & letters that I have written about, to or from my past lovers/flings. I re-read them & mostly hold onto my poetry as to not lose it again as I have lost the first 5 years of my creative writing. I would eventually like to be able to publish them all or something, but my biggest mistake is re-reading them. When I do this I remember the pain, heartache & relive the entire experience all over again but each time it rips open a new wound - never really letting myself heal properly.

I'm being to learn. It only took me nearly 24 years.