l Gone by is the hump in the week - nearly l

| Wednesday, Sept. 24, 2003 || 12:16 p.m. |

TGIW! I want to wish another Happy Birthday today but this time to Kim!

I have my second appointment w/ the counselor this afternoon. I�m kind of looking forward to it but now I am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I by no means think I am completely �cured� after one session but I�ve always gone back & forth w/ the idea of counseling or therapy. I am hesitant to contact the psychiatrist in fear that I actually might get prescribed some form of anti-depressant. I really don�t think that is necessary but I could very well be in denial.

Okay so I just left messages.

Next topic!

I�m having some writing block issues. I want to write but I don�t feel as if the quality of my writing is what it used to be. I notice that I address the readers or write in a narrative tone. This is for me & I have stopped writing in my fluid thought process way. I don� t want this to be a �this is what I did & then we did this & went here & there� blah blah blah�. This is for introspection & clarity but I have deviated from this. That is something I need to work on.

I�m making a mental checklist now.

It feels so nice to be sticking to my work out routine. Yesterday I increased my elliptical usage from 30 to 45 minutes & now I just need to start adding yoga or pilates again. My flexibility has increased � not back to my Cheerleading days but it�s getting there. Weight lifting is next on my list. I want to work on that arm fat � all you ladies know what I am talking about. That hello-wave where the fat on your arm waves too. Mine is not grotesque but I have large upper arms & teeny weeny little wrists. I want them to shrink & be nice & sculpted. Do you think if I buy those wrist weights to wear during the day that it might help?

What are some good exercises to shrink the fat but not bulk the biceps? I have good size arm muscles for a chick � I thank 4 brothers [two step] & boxing growing up for that one.

I hopefully will start the phentramine on Friday & really get into eating better along w/ my exercise. Hopefully that will help get my about 25 lbs. Lighter. 125 is my target weight. I will settle for being 130 again but this 150+ bullshit is ridiculous! My thighs are getting firmer but I want them to tone/slim down but I am not seeing that yet. I know what my body can look like when I am in shape & I think the phentramine will help get my metabolism back where it used to be. I don� t plan on starving myself or taking diet pills forever. I know the risks; I�ve taken it before & I just really believe that I need a little more help right now.