l S'il vous pla�t m'excuser pour un moment l

| Monday, Oct. 13, 2003 || 11:58 a.m. |

as I address something: I know myself better than anybody. My psychiatrist offered to give me a prescription after talking to me for 5 minutes � her doing most of the talking. I�d hardily say that it was a necessary prescription. She asked if I wanted to try it for a month or two to see if that helped get through the grieving process.

Suisse did have a profile but it has since been deactivated or hidden, as they like to call it.

I have never said that I was going to break up w/ him. I mentioned that I had a random thought cross my mind that this may very well not last forever.

Have �normal sex�? What exactly in my relationship is not �normal� regarding our sex? I�m sorry I don�t lie fridged in the missionary position as you do. I enjoy my body as well as my bf. It�s perfectly normal & healthy to have an active sexual lifestyle & the fact that we can be so exploratory w/ one another only shows how much trust & love we have for one another.

I don� t have to explain or defend myself to someone who obviously doesn�t pay attention to detail while they muse through someone else�s life for theirs is much to dull & boring.

If I proved your right once again � touch�! I�m so happy that I mean so much in someone�s life that they just cannot help but take so much time analyzing little ole me!

You are right about one thing. I don�t need to know who you are, but it just goes to show that you cannot stand behind your words but a mask of impersonating me, using my name. Do you get off on that? Do you want to be me?

I�m having so much fun w/ this! I love being my life & being me!

I hit a bunny this morning on my way to work. I was driving & then noticed something bolt in front of my tires & then felt the thud. I am still kind of horrified about hitting something, especially a fluffy little bunny but there was nothing I could have done to avoid it. It�s as if it committed bunn-icide. I�m in a rare mood today, my Suisse left w/ the girls to Vegas this morning & stopped by my work on their way. I�m going to miss him these next two days but the alone time will do me good. I fell asleep on his chest last night while he was watching the rerun of that days hockey game. I think he fell asleep too for I woke to him turning off the TV & the game or some game was still playing. I slept so well laying there. I�m not one to be able to sleep w/ noise or light in the room but there was that comfort of his arms being around me & hearing his heart beat through my body that was so comforting.

I spent a large majority of the weekend shopping w/ the girls. Suisse had to work on Saturday then attend his o-co-workers wedding on Sunday while we went to the Chili Peppers concert. I�ve never seen girls spend so much money in two days before. They literally shopped until they dropped both days. More so on Saturday when we went to the 3rd street promenade in Santa Monica. I felt like such a bum spending maybe 50 bucks the entire weekend but then again I am saving my money for Suisse�s b-day present which I am buying tonight after hitting the gym. Yeah! I love buying presents for my loved ones. I gave his sister about $50 bucks worth of M.A.C cosmetics & we spent about another $150.00 @ South Coast M.A.C. I just have to get a job there & go back to school. Suisse�s sis wants to be a make-up artist as well. We have so much in common & have a lot of fun together. She would speak French to me & then English to her friend. It got pretty confusing but I am learning a bit faster I believe. Poor girl got so confused & tired @ one point would say a sentence in half French & half English. I really don�t want them to leave as soon as they are now. We have so much that we want to do together & this being our last week doesn�t even give us time to accomplish any of it between them going to Vegas, the hockey game the night they get back, my French Class Thursday night & then his mom arriving Friday afternoon then me the next morning & then lastly then on Sunday headed back to Switzerland. Wow that was a mouthful! Haha

Sis is going to help Suisse w/ a b-day present for me. I didn�t actually think he�d get me anything but then he mentioned it a few days ago � �I still have no idea what to get you!!� He�s so adorable when he gets all flustered & buries his head in the pillow. I�d be happy w/ flowers. I�m not much for lots of material things. They�re nice but I would love nothing more than a night of romance!

Ooh & he shaved yesterday for the wedding! I�ve never seen him dressed up before. I watched him get ready, I fixed his tie [no ones in the house knows how aside from I how to tie a tie], & then took pictures of him so I can sneak a peek while at work.

I miss him all ready.