l What's w/ that club chalupa? Do you really want on that guest list? l

| February 16, 2004 || 9:36 p.m. |

I�m not even going to get into anything about this weekend other than the fact that I had an amazing time. I was given an opportunity to renew a friendship & I took it. I feel so much better having done that. She kept me entertained, grounded & helped me feel better about myself in general. It�s strange the way all things happen for specific reasons. Ever since we had our quarrel last year I�ve always been curious about her & never really could think of her as not a friend. I never took any steps to rid her of my life really. I kept her on my Friendsters list, checked her newest pics every so often & she was always in the back of my mind. I think I kind of wanted to run into her at times when going out to LA.I needed a friend & I gained one right when I needed her the most. I love fate.

I�m happy & that is what matters right? I kind of think that my wellbutrin needs a little kick up a notch. My mind seems to be the same as it was back in November when I couldn�t stop thinking the worst. The only effect that I can still feel is the weight loss & smoking � all though I did a lot of smoking this weekend. I torture myself, I really do. I smoked way too much & drank way too much vodka Saturday night. But I have never felt so beautiful in my entire life. We went shopping at the Beverly Center & I found the perfect dress. I wish we had all taken pictures but I�ll have to find a reason to wear it again cause it is just too beautiful. I made a new friend as well. We have so much in common it�s kind of bizarre but in a good way. It�s like we had known each other for years the way we got along. I did spend way too much money & I know I am going to be hurting this month. I mean really hurting it�s way too easy to spend money hanging out w/ Aj. I�ve gone to so many places I would never have gone with her. It�s just amazing; she�s always fun to hang out with. I kind of feel a little common around her at times. Well I don�t know if that�s the right way I wanted to say that but whatever. I�m just not very LA like she is, I�m Orange County; or maybe border Orange & LA, let�s say Long Beach but the nicer part of Long Beach, Belmont Heights not so much Belmont Shore. I�m so not like the cast of OC but more like middle, average OC.

I have a lot of thinking to do about what I want to do with my life. Where I want to end up & what I want to be doing. I need to get another job; a second job but then again I�ve been saying that for a long time but never really doing anything about it. I don�t like living paycheck to pay check & barely being able to do that. I hate feeling like I can�t do what I want to do or buy what I want to buy cause I have no money. I want to build for my future & I want to start living that future starting now. This is my future & I am going to make of it what I want.