l I played the fool today l

| February 26, 2004 || 4:06 p.m. |

You guys are sweet! I am fine, nothing more than an abdominal strain. Thank goodness it wasn�t something like a hernia! I only have limited work capabilities right now so I less work for moi! I took most of the morning off cause the tummy pain in like severe cramps but different in way that I don�t know how to explain.

As my usual Wednesday night I went singing at Cheers. Man did I get intoxicated! Diran bought both KJ [the karaoke jock friend] and myself shots & many bloody marys. I sang my little heart out & against my better judgment danced my ass off. Ooh yeah, mental note, when abdomen is strained do not let a friend dip you when dancing repeatedly. Ouch.

My Mom is no longer visiting this weekend. Her work thing was settled so there was no reason for the litigation or hearing to happen. I�m really kind of upset cause I have been looking forward to having some Mom time all week but what can I do? At least now I can go to Santa Barbara to see Jen without feeling bad that my Mom is here & I am not with her & her Aussie.

Not too much else has happened though. A little minor chit chat w/ S online but I initiated it & he said about as little as he could. Pathetic stranger im it seemed, very short & impersonal � mere idle chitchat, but I guess it�s better than being ignored. I�m trying my best to �let go of my contention� but I am having a little difficulty trying to figure out what exactly is the contention. Do I just stop mentioning how I feel like I have been? I�m not sure; maybe I�ll ask the I Ching a follow up question to see if I can become more enlightened. I have to figure it out; I will not lose this love. I cannot lose him. What�s meant to be will be.