l Monday Monday Monday l

| March 08, 2004 || 10:12 p.m. |

I�m tired, working my ass off trying to get as most overtime as I can. Unfortunately the most I can get away with is maybe 5 hours a week, if I am lucky. I stay up way too late playing Sorry online & chatting with friends. That is my lively hood; that is what my life has come down to. Why am I sitting on my ass here in my room after sitting on my ass all day long at work? Why am I not out looking for a second job? Where the hell do I even start looking for a second job? What line of work can I do after regular business hours? Bartending? That would make me even more tired then I am & there is no way in hell I can stay up until 1-2 am & then go to work at 8 am the next day. I don�t want to give up my entire weekend either, but I know if I get any kind of entertainment/restaurant job I will have to sacrifice at least one weekend day or even night � even worse!

I am at a loss. I need to get away from all of this. I need to go to Texas, visit my family & free my mind of all this stress even if only for a weekend. It�s always a miracle what a few days out of California can do for me. It�s always a miracle what a couple of days around my family can do for me. Everyday I am there I can�t help but tear up as I see my family doing their everyday things, leading their everyday lives without me anywhere in sight. I hate that thought of out of sight out of mind. I know it�s not true with them but it�s still so hard. Everyday in lately since things have been emotionally turbulent in my life here, I yearn to move, my heart aches to be around people who love me. The only people that have always been there of me, will always be there for me, no matter how much is going on with their own lives & no matter what they have else going on. Family is forever. Love is forever. I want my love to be my family forever.