l There ain't no one to buy our innocents l

| March 11, 2004 || 1:46 p.m. |

Man I feel like hell tonight, tears of rage I cannot fight� Okay so maybe not.

For a woman whose voice is nearly gone I sounded really fucking sexy last night! My first song was Nothing Compares 2 u, which I haven�t sung in at least a year. I think that was the best ever for that particular song. I had received a little false hope from S earlier when I had called he actually said that he �might� come join Red & I @ cheers. Of course I took this might as a small glimmer of hope & ran with it only to be disappointed when he changed his mind later on. It was so cute he actually said he missed me in the first conversation we had. I was just kidding around being cute & he said that he thought he�d see me online the night before but I was out meeting the d-landers. It�s funny how when I am not around when he thinks I will be how he misses me. It�s like he takes it for granted that I will call or be online so when I am not he misses me. I like that.

We talked quite a bit compared to the past few months, he even text messaged me a couple of times about the show he forgot to tape yet swears wasn�t on & the space & travel games we�ve been playing. He said we could get together tomorrow but I said that I thought I had plans but couldn�t remember what they were & then he suggested Friday. Of course Friday, it�s our anniversary! Whether he wants to celebrate it as such is not the case or option. We will be together. However he will not go to the play that I won tickets to Saturday night. Umm yeah figured so much. I don�t get it, he likes comedy but won�t go to a comedy [play] just because it�s a play & about a woman so automatically it has to be come �girl thing�. Whatever. I do want to spend the day with him though regardless. Comic still wants to draw a nude of me so we will be finally getting together to do that on Saturday too. He asked if he could do a portrait of us but I will have to see if S is willing to sit. I�d love it but I have a feeling he might not do it. Who knows, I have so much that is going on. Somehow I have to manage to run down to la to give my friend the $ I owe her & I promised SF that I�d stop by & hang out with her for a while too. I think I am going to have to change some of these things around.

I am so brain dead right now, my throat hurt, I can�t focus & I am soo tired. I�ll update more later after I go home & take a nap.