l Back in Hell l

| May 11, 2004 || 11:12 a.m. |

I�m back in the office & couldn�t be more miserable about it. The one thing that lifted my spirits as soon as I got back [aside from seeing S] was a package I received. My dear sweet brucegirl sent S & me some goodies! S says thank you thank you thank you btw. He immediately tried playing them & since his old DVD & CD player wouldn�t play them we went & sat in his car to listen. I thumbed through the book of Norway & got so excited about visiting; it is so incredibly beautiful! However, I am a dinguette & forgot the CD�s you sent at home when I ran out the door but I�ll listen to them as soon as I get home, well I might even pick them up on my lunch so I can listen & upload them to my computer.

I�m going to stop talking about my work in this thing. You all don�t need to hear it & maybe if I stop writing about it I can forget it easier. Let me discuss all of the wonderful things that are happening in my life. I won�t go into too much regarding S & me but let�s just leave it at: things are in motion & better than ever. I have some of the most wonderful friends that I am going to start to include in my life more & more. I need to start making me time as well. I don�t get that much anymore, I have only myself to blame for that one. I have plans for my future; our future & I have to start putting that into motion. I noticed that I tend to use me & my when speaking of things to come, I don�t know if it is because I don�t want to jinx things or what. I don�t want him to feel as if I am pressuring him into moving any faster then we are; I�m not ready for faster & I know he isn�t either. But then again I am so curious as to if he thinks about the future in terms of us. I am pretty sure he does, he is always talking about future plans including the both of us. I don�t know why I am sounding insecure about it, fuck that I KNOW it�s US. I�m retarded.

I�ve been snacking a lot more lately, all due to stress, if you have access to the female bible � Cosmo, you must read the article about stress. I found it extremely close to the truth in my life making it very scary.

I need to start reading real books again. My vocabulary has begun to deteriorate; I can barely form sentences anymore, fucking stress.