l I'm terrified and mistrusting l

| May 27, 2004 || 11:20 a.m. |

Today�s Scope~Do you want to know a secret -- or would you be more than happy to forget one? Either way, you may have to deal openly with a private matter. Be brave! The desire to meet with a romantic partner and to look and feel your best, dear Libra, could give rise to a lot of short journeys in your near neighborhood. Perhaps you'll want to work out at the gym, buy some new clothes, or get a haircut. This might be a good idea, as passions promise to run high today! Stimulating conversations could also bring to light some fascinating information. Enjoy your day.

I played hooky yesterday & slept until 3:30ish but that is only after I was awaken at 11:15 am from a call from my Doctor. The pap I took like two months ago apparently came back abnormal & when they sent it back for further testing it came back inconclusive. I think it�s back & I am scared to death. It�s been over 4 years since I�ve had to have the leep procedure [surgery]. I am going in for a re-pap on the 7th of June & you can believe me that I am crossing my fingers & it was just a little yeast acting up to cause the abnormal results. Anything that can mess up my chances of having children terrifies me. That is the one & only reason I would jump the gun & get pregnant right now if there was a chance I�d be sterile before my 30th birthday. I�m going to try to not focus on it for now; it�s too disturbing.

S & I talked a little more about living together. I told him how I felt about the whole excuse thing & even using the comparison of it being a child of mine [which Torin really is], he still didn�t get it. He bought a surround sound system yesterday too. He�s been looking at them for a while with me at Wally-wally & Best Buyer beware & he finally went to BB to buy the one he liked this past Sunday. I had told him about savings about half the price by asking to buy one out of the box but for some reason a lot of me won�t do that. Is it a pride issue? Is it non-masculine to ask about saving $$? I�m hungry now dammit. Random factoid but hey that�s how my mind works. I don�t write enough in the same stream of consciousness that I think. Did that make sense even? I don�t know if it�s a woman thing or a neurotic thing but my brain doesn�t stop to take a breathe before changing thoughts/topics.

I received my checks & new wamu card yesterday in the mail so I can officially cancel my bofa account!! I am so excited. I ordered the checks for a cure � proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer foundation. Susan G. must be one rich broad by now! She�s a popular woman in the BC scene. I don�t know much about her so she could very well be dead. That was wrong; please forgive me, down there with all the starving pygmies [git r done].

So I had applied for a job at the Hyatt as an admin assist in the catering department on Monday. Tuesday I received an email letting me know that after careful consideration of my resume I was not selected. Careful consideration takes less than 24 hours?? I will go ahead & follow S�s line of thought that I was perhaps over qualified & they did not wish to pay me what I am worth. That sounds good right? I received a post card from the Apt Company we work with on a daily basis thanking me for my application & if my skills were found to fill one of their positions they would contact me. I am crossing my fingers because so far the only phone calls I�ve received was from the same damn temp company I worked with two years ago & I am not doing temp again!! I think I will go look up job opportunities in GE�s company. I wish I could find something that required a lot of traveling. I think that would be a lot of fun to do for at least a couple years � providing I could bring my kitty with me everywhere [if staying in one place for months on end of course]. I�m going to make myself a pb & j before my belly consumes itself.