l There's a fly in my eye l

| June 29, 2004 || 10:22 a.m. |

Today�s Scope~ Short trips and lighthearted chatter will suit you just fine -- and if you happen to have company who's classy enough to appreciate your charm, so much the better. What you feel is selfishness is actually just sensible self-preservation. Don't be afraid to say no as the occasion demands.

I finally got the answer, it was not the answer I was hoping for but at least now I don�t have to be stressed out. I believe all things happen for specific reasons & the ordeal with me being or feeling pressured to accept that room yesterday was a good one. If I hadn�t I would have no place to move to this weekend. I can�t be upset with S about his decision because when I think about it he is just looking out for "our" best interest as well as thinking of his own self-preservation. I am not making excuses for him, I am thinking of the situation rationally as to not make some rash mistake of freaking out & ruining what we have. I want us to move when we are both ready for it. I will not push him into anything as that would do nothing but destroy all we have accomplished. I know what we have is wonderful & for once in my life my eyes are open; I will not make the same self-destructive acts I have in the past � he is my soul mate & I love too much. Besides we have the rest of our lives to spend together so why be in so much of a rush?

I did not receive any results regarding my Dad�s testing yesterday. I finally called him around 6 pm & he assured me that as soon as he heard something today I�d get a call. Apparently his father had many little heart attacks before actually going to the hospital, I know he died of cancer about a month after I was born but he had major open heart surgery on his heart at the age of 52; by the time he finally consulted a Doctor he had been living off of one half of one vein/ventricle whatever & they gave him 30 days to live. I think he actually died when he was 57 but I don�t remember as I said I was about one month old. I will let you all know when I hear something � thank you all for your prayers & well wishes. It means more then I can ever express!

I have to add this cause it is too damn cute.

Suisse made this while we were at the beach on Saturday. I don�t see how I couldn�t love this man & want to spend the rest of my life with him!

On another hand I am moving starting Friday after work. I hate spending my holiday weekend moving but I figure if I start Friday right away I can be done really soon & then enjoy the rest of the 3-days with S. He said we will spend the weekend together & he�ll help me move too. All I really need help with is moving the mattress [I doubt it will fit in his PT] and then getting rid of my dresser & coffee table. I need a place to dump them. Maybe I can do that in S�s dumpsters at his place. Is that legal? No one has to know that they didn�t come from his place.

Hmmm I think my might move some stuff around here but I do not know if I will have time. Suisse had to take his mom to the airport this morning & last night he was so sad. When we finally went to bed he said that he dreads the morning; it�s his least favorite part � he knows that she wants to stay & he doesn�t want her to leave. He was so sad & I didn�t show him but I cried for him. I know how hard it is to have your family not close by but I must be even hard for them being in a whole other country.