l What is going to happen to me next? huh? l

| October 11, 2004 || 1:17 p.m. |

***********UPDATED 118P***********

I couldn't change my flight to leave today but I can sure change it to leave another day in the future without it costing $400 bucks. So I just filed for unemployment online, getting my oil changed & making sure my car is okay, then driving up to Washington leaving tonight. I have a year that my reservation will be good for so why not use it at a later date? Sounds like a plan to me so if I have you're phone number I just might use it as I drive up north. I should be there by tomorrow. Wish me luck & lots of love. I need it!

By the way I think I am also going to be moving to Texas probably right after I get back from Washington so if you all know any jobs available in the Fort Worth/ Dallas area please let me know!

Thank you all too for all of the text messages and support you have shown me that I am not alone & unloved. Even without my beloved Suisse I can & will survive!

I did tell him that he'd be missing me in a week & want me back - he agreed and said I was probably right but that it was better that way. what do you make of it's better that way anyways? Food for thought.

***********[/edit]***********

Just in case you didn't read the comment I submitted to yesterdays sad, pathetic entry here it is & even more.

Not only did the love of my life; the man I wanted to father my children break up with me last night online, but this morning I got fired from my job at AFCU while wearing the new suit that Suisse had bought me about two weeks ago.

I'm such a fucking loser, a two time loser to be exact. Just when things had started to change in our relationship & I saw signs of major improvements on his behalf he tells me that he doesn't love me the way that I need him to & that he no longers wants to be with me then I get fired. Tomorrow the 12th was to be our 19 month anniversary. Our birthdays are coming up. I have always loved my bday month but now it's nothing but saddness.

My mom is unreachable in Australia, my Dad is not answering his phone & neither is my grandma. I have no one here for me. My rock is gone, I have nothing. I just want to run away, run so far away from here no will know how to find me.

I don't know if I'll be posting again anytime soon. If I can help it I will be on the next flight to Washington, that is if I can change my flight to go earlier. I need to be around someone that loves me.