l It's amazing how it can feel so good to be welcomed home l

| October 31, 2004 || 1:30 p.m. |

I am horrible for not typing. I mean I haven't finished this all ready.

Let me back up and say that last Wednesday before I headed out for the casino to sing. I went to Roy Elementary School to assist my Dad's wife in her testing of the kid's eyes and ears. I had so much fun and just loved working with the little kiddies so I decided for sure that I am going to get my teaching creditials once I get to Texas and find a job. I think it takes about two years of schooling etc to do so but I will find out once I get there. That is one of my first priorities after finding a job.

The drive home wasn't bad at all either. There were a few ackward silences but all in all it wasn't half bad. I was anxious to get home and see Suisse. I had sent an email letting him know that I was headed home and wanted to know when was a good time to stop by for my mail etc. He responded pretty quickly letting me know he'd be home all day Saturday so anytime was fine. I wasn't sure what to expect if anything but I couldn't wait to see him.

It was ackward at first for that too but he missed me, he really did. He invited me to stay the night if I wanted to which of course I did just that. And can you believe that some of the first words he said was "you could have called while you were gone" ?? I said that the same went for him and all he could say was that he felt like he shouldn't. He didn't know what to say because he knew that he had hurt me & didn't want to hurt me anymore by telling me he missed me. He was so sad about everything that happened, he hurt so much for hurting me & we talked a little about things, until he knew I was just about at the crying point then he pulled me close and asked me not to talk about it, he would have cried too & didn't want either one of us to hurt again. It was a wondeful night and we went to bed early & slept better then either one of us had in a while.

I am still moving to Texas though & I told him that. He didn't know what to think about it other then he knew he couldn't & can't give me what I want right now & I've been wanting to move there for a while to be closer to my family. He wants me to be happy & so do I. I am happy with him but before I go staying here just to be near him I need to be happy by myself; with myself and to do that I need to move to Texas, get my teaching credentials and get my life in order. He is planning on moving to be closer to his brother once they move after Christmas anyways. They're moving to San Antonio first to live with Donna's sister but then they are thinking of moving to Rhode Island. I don't see that happening, at least that is not what I want to see happen. I'd prefer Suisse to move to Texas when he is ready & be with me [again when he is ready]. I'll be established by that time and I know more then ready for us to move forward.

Horoscope~ Restore and rejuvenate
Weak, transient effect: Today during the day you should have a very strong sense of well-being. Your inner self is functioning harmoniously, and you do not feel emotional turmoil or strife. At the same time you are most contented with the familiar elements of your life. You enjoy being at home with relatives and friends, and you like being surrounded by the objects you are used to. You are not in the mood for adventures, challenges and major changes, nor is it necessary to be so. There will be other times for adventure. Now you should restore and rejuvenate yourself in peace and quiet. Physical comfort is especially important to you at this time, but it doesn't have to be lavish. Your need is for a comfortable environment that seems supportive. You want to be surrounded by whatever you feel protects you.