l Half way thru my first week l

| December 01, 2004 || 7:39 p.m. |

I'm feeling a little better after sleeping a decent night. Only to again be waken up by my mom. She seems to feel as if it's her duty to wake me up regardless if my alarm clock is set or not. I think she actually enjoys it. But in a way I am glad. I wanted to sleep in, hell I wanted to call in sick but once I realized I was awake I noticed my fever had broken & I wasn't feeling as much as hell as the night before. Plus once I got out to my car there was a thick layer of frost & snow all over the place so it took a good 10 minutes warming up my car to even be able to see out of it. I haven't crunched across a yard of grass in over 13 yrs.

Traffic was the worst it's been since living here but it still is nothing compared to California traffic. I still froze my ass of though until the heater got up high enough.

So work is pretty busy, I mean there is enough to keep me busy all day; every day. It's not that exciting, but until I get to know everyone it should be interesting. I see so many faces all the time and yet have no memory or what their name is or if the person I am trying to transfer the phone call to is right there in front of me. That would be embarrassing but what can I do? I am so horrible with names it's pathetic.

On top of all of that I am trying to quit smoking again. I know I don't smoke, or didn't really until after my Washington trip. Right after I left Washington I bought my first pack of cigarettes in over a year. It was sad, I can't blame it on S cause it's my own pathetic weakness that has caused me to start smoking a pack or less a day since I've been here in Texas. Which could very well be contributing to my illness which is why I am again quitting... for good this time. No more 'when I am drunk' excuses or even though you can smoke in bars while drinking [which I've noticed I smoke way more while drinking just because I can. It's one of those "I'm-bored-so-just-because-I-need-something-to-do" habits. I hate it, I truely, honestly ashamed that I smoke now because I've realized how much I hate it & how discusting it is... but what can I do? I've started gaining weight since I've been here. I am up to 140 again. I need a social life, I need my own place, I need sex like you wouldn't believe!

I've realized that in my old age [yeah I know 25 is really old], but seriously I just can't give myself out like I could before. There is too much heart involved. I am sure that is a good thing but still a woman has needs!

I need to get the hell out of mom's house so some serious masturbation can happen as well. I've been in compromising situations where some real nice masturbation could have been easily obtained if no parental units where in the vicinity. I really just need a place of my very own. OKay I think I am a little to tipsy to write anymore right now... xoxoxoxox, angel

today's astro.com scope~ Things of beauty * This is a time to take the initiative in all kinds of relationships, especially love relationships. If you reveal your love for someone at this time, it may turn the relationship in a new direction. Even if you believe that your loved one knows how you feel, don't leave it to his imagination. The desire for beautiful things is strong during this time, influencing you to buy things of beauty, such as clothes, cosmetics, objects of art, things to beautify the home, or works of literature and musical recordings. Surround yourself with beauty and take advantage of the lighter and more pleasant aspects of life. Under this influence you are affectionate and want to be with friends. You will be in a good mood and able to enjoy almost anything that comes along.