l Pray for scar tissue l

| December 07, 2004 || 6:47 p.m. |

My mom just had her body scans & the cat scan showed signs of changes in the both of both her lungs & the left armpit [which is where they removed 28 lymph nodes that all had cancer before]. They want to to pet scans to determine if its malignant or just scar tissue built up from the infections she got when she had the breast implant, chemo & radiation before. There is a chance that it is just that, scar tissue. But there is a chance that it could be lung cancer. There just doesn't seem to be a reason that there are changes in the bottom of both lungs. The breast cancer was only in the left breast & armpit. But scar tissue, it just might be. I hope it is all only scar tissue.

She has to wait until Thursday [hopefully only until then], to have the pet scan done. They only do the test on Wednesdays & Thursday & they have to clear it with the insurance company first thing tomorrow [Wednesday] morning but that day is all booked up for the pet scans. Who knows how long it will take after the scans to find out if it's malignant or not. I hope not too long. I can't handle seeing my mom cry & hear her tell me how scared she is.

I was 2 seconds from the house when I got her voice mail telling me to call her. I walked into the house hearing her on the phone talking about something about it. Instantly I got sick to my stomach. By the time she started telling me about the call she received I felt as if I was going to get sick. I still feel that way as does she. Her aussie husband is on his way home tomorrow, 4 days early, from his business trip in California. I am crossing my fingers, praying that it is only scar tissue.

I won't be able to go to California for New Years like I had wanted. Even with my ticket credit from when I was supposed to fly to Washington it will still be [cheapest] over $600.00. Niether S or I can afford that right now. As much as I desperately want to see him & spend the holiday with him, it's just not possible.

I won't find out for 100% until tomorrow [Wednesday], night but I am pretty sure I got the job at Xpress. She mentioned that she wanted me to start on Sunday for cash/register training. It's only part time but the discount itself is so amazing. I love the clothes they have & lord knows they are pricey. It will be nice to have a discount. The first purchase I make as an employee, I get 50% off, up to $200 dollars. That is even 50% anything that is not more then 50% off all ready. How sweet is that? I'll be one hot, styling chica, that's for damn sure.