l God no, please don't let this be l

| December 13, 2004 || 9:46 p.m. |

They gave my mom 1-5 years to live today. I didn�t even have the chance to get home to hear for myself. I was maybe 1-2 miles from home when my little brother called me from being right behind me in traffic to tell me that my mom had received the call from the Doctor's. She's hasn't even had the biopsy done yet & yet they said she has a 20% chance to live.

1-5 years isn't even long enough for me to get married & have kids according to my plan. They were supposed to have gotten all of it the first time. But now they said that it's for certain that she is will die of cancer... it's just a matter of time.

I am so pissed off... They said they got all the lymph nodes, but now they are saying that even with all the chemo & stuff it's come back. That is just not fair to her, to me to the rest of the family. My Grandma & Poppy were here as soon as my brother & I got home. We were all crying. My Grandma had all ready called the American Cancer Society though in Oklahoma & she is supposed to have it cleared through her insurance [hopefully by] tomorrow. Then once that is Okayed she can fly there to receive treatment that most hospitals don't do: Holistic stuff, natural stuff. Stuff that gives us hope that there really is a god. That she really didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. I know she doesn't deserve this. But right now she thinks it is something she did to make god do all of this to her.

She is the strongest woman I know. I idolize her because of her strength. She has to fight to live. I haven't had the chance to have my kids & let them be influenced by her wisdom, strength & knowledge yet. It's just not fair at all! If anyone should ever learn a lesson in their entire lives, it should be from my mom. She had lived through the worst of things, I wouldn't wish on anyone, yet she raised me to be the best woman I could even want to be in my entire life.

And after 42 years, she finally met the love her life only to be told she might only have 1-5 years left with him... That is just fucking wrong!

Please continue to pray for my mom. They still have yet to do the actual biopsy on what they think is 80% cancerous. Please keep us in your hearts, prayers & minds. I know we need it... desperately.

Amen... xoxoxoxoxo, Angel

Today's Scope~ You don't have to dive in all the way, but don't be afraid to get your feet wet. Someone you've been trying to lure into your web finally wants to talk about it. Before long, they'll definitely be a major part of your life. Don't feel limited by your relationship; enjoy the closeness and potential for real intimacy. There's more freedom in partnership than you think.