l California dreaming l

| January 26, 2005 || 10:04 a.m. |

I seriously want to be with Suisse everyday now. Why do I even entertain the idea of moving back to CA? I can't. It wouldn't be right & it would upset my mom being so far away from her again. It wouldn't be a smart move on my part either, financially. I would be right back where I started out at a couple years ago. Not good Angelina, not good at all, just be patient. If it's meant to be he will eventually compromise. Even if it means somewhere in Colorado or Utah New Mexico. I can't fathom Utah. It's beautiful & we had a lot of fun while we were there on our canyon tour but it's way too much...umm religion for me. I can't do that small of a town again. Shit I am still in a small town kind of.

I can't help but think of all the possibilities though for our future. I'm such a hopeless romantic dreamer. Dammit if the weather didn't get a lot nicer the day after he left too. It got hot yesterday, well hot if you call in the 70's or 80's kind of hot. Compared to what it was while he was here it was hot. Ooh well, I don't know if Texas made such a great impression on him anyways cross your fingers for me.

I've been writing a lot more poetry lately. Don't know if you all care or not but I just thought I'd shot that out there. It feels good to have written even just the little bit more than I usually do. It almost gives me a relieved feeling, I feel lighter almost. It's amazing how much emotional release can actually feel like physical relief. I have needed that for far too long to stop it now. I know it only takes a few moments to type out something, I've had some great passages run through my head but I haven't been able to remember or get it down on paper in time so when I have written it, it's just not the same or as magnificent as it seemed in my mind before.

I'm going out to dinner tonight with Katie & Shannyn to celebrate Katie�s belated birthday. Shannyn, well I don't know if she is going to go or not. She's been a pretty nasty bitch as of late, ever since she returned from her online psycho lover. I can't deal with her crap & refuse to from now on. It's just pathetic, the toying, lying, manipulating... if I wanted that fucking shit in my life I would have stayed with my exgf years ago. Women are such drama, life is not easy period. No excuses, there's nothing I can do but ignore it.

I look cute today. I think so at least. I really should not go out since my mom's Aussie is in Japan til the end of the week but I did promise a belated birthday dinner & this is the only night she can get out. Even if canceling my other plans with a new myspacer gets me into trouble. I feel like a flake. But the good news is I am looking at a lot more apartments online now. I even kind of signed up with a locator service. I don't know if they charge you extra or what not but I was told that that might be a good idea to look into. I think it's about time to get out. I have a good solid month to look & I think I should have my tax refund by then as well.

Today's scope~ You've got a lot on your mind, and you want to talk about it. Problem is, you're not sure whom you can trust. Go with the person you've known the longest, or the one who's already confided in you.