l Damn Mondays l

| February 21, 2005 || 10:26 a.m. |

This weekend was really kind of blech. I didn't do a damn thing other then work. I was feeling ill, pms-y if you really want to narrow it down to something. I did go out to Dave & Buster's Friday night in Dallas but I was home by midnight. I was drunk prior to leaving so that made it a real night out but I felt odd being out in the first place. Kind of out of place actually. I didn't feel wanted, well perhaps it's not wanted but more like I didn't belong. I was tired, still am tired. I could not sleep at all last night.

I feel depressed, maybe it's the distance, and maybe it's the non-communication that I've been having, or not having in the past week. I need attention & I just can't deal with not getting it. I'm not needy, I can survive without attention; I just prefer to not have to cope with no attention. My cell doesn't ring quite as often as I'd like it to but then again when it does ring it's never the people I want it to be.

Why does Shannyn keep insisting on emailing me? or calling me? I told her in so many ways that I wanted nothing to do with her. It's pathetic, really it is. But at least there is someone out there more desperate for attention then me. Hell I know there are actually a lot more people out there but that for sure is one desperate woman.
I won't talk shit though; she's not worth mentioning at all anymore. So I promise that name won't come up again.

I can't wait for this week to be over with. I need California right now. I need to see my friends, my real friends. I don't really have that out here yet. I only have about 6 months [maybe] left of this place & yet I would say I have maybe 1 good friend, 1 friend whom I haven't made out with. Mind you I have a few other acquaintances that I've talked to on myspace & maybe once or twice on the phone but mostly just one friend whom I can really sit down & talk to. She's my regular lunch date during the week. We meet up at least once if not twice a week at TGIFriday's. Her & I are a lot alike in many ways yet have so many differences too. It's great. If there is one person I keep in contact with [aside from family], I hope it's her. I know I will at least, although I am horrible at keeping in touch with people.

I just can't focus right now, my brain seems dead today. My apologies, perhaps after I work my 18-hour day today & get to rest [well pack & repack my boxes that are in the garage], I will feel better. I know after Tuesday night though things will be much better, but not as good as they will be Friday night. I pray for Friday night to hurry up & get here. My best friend Mary & her bf are meeting me for drinks after my plane arrives around 9pm. I haven't decided where we should met but the speculum is always fun on Friday nights, packed as sardines but fun.

This weeks horoscope~ If you're tempted to sit at home and stew about some romantic wrong done to you at the week's outset, the stars have a kick in the pants for you. Now's the time to surround yourself with people, do fun things and get some perspective on the big picture. By midweek, your new attitude inspires people to look to you as their love guru -- and perhaps one person in particular wants some extra inspiration. The weekend brings two super days for flirting, capturing attention, socializing of any and every kind and love, sweet love. A cheerful mood
Probably you will react to this influence by feeling quite good. Your mood is cheerful and optimistic, and you may feel as though nothing can go wrong with your world today. Obviously this can have both good and bad points. All that is necessary for this energy to work well is to avoid going overboard on any matter, but that is precisely what can happen at this time. You may spend too much money, overindulge in luxuries or be wasteful. On the other hand, you may feel courageous enough to do something you have never done before. This influence can really build up your self-confidence, but be sure to stop short of arrogance. Any negative energies that you put out will become the source of conflicts with others. If you overstep your bounds, you will step on other people, and they will tell you so.