l I left my heart in California l

| February 28, 2005 || 3:54 p.m. |

*I lost a beautiful entry due to my computer going psycho & rebooting on its own. I am attempting to recapture that
magic. *

Tear flowed faster then my body could fight to keep them at bay. The first flood pushed through my lids Friday night. These were orgasmic tears, the kind of emotional release that only such an intensely passionate experience can create. It was such a wondrous reunion, two hearts coming back together to beat in unison.

We didn't do much of anything; I prefer it that way. I awoke early Saturday morning. I blame my damn internal clock being too used to central time. There was no way Suisse would be up that early so I lay there, watching him sleep, resting my eyes, cuddling, snuggling. Once he opened though melting chocolate eyes we consumed one another once again, just because we could.

Afterwards he made me coffee, no thoughts, no hesitation, even though it was clearly 'my turn'. I got him to go with me to Trader Joe's, so I could make us a decent breakfast. He wanted to take a shower but I convinced him that it would ruin our morning breakfast experience. Just run to Trader Joe's [after all what TJ devotee would not make a visit to stock up on TJ goodies while in town?], in our jammers. Cook apple wood smoked bacon, my secret scrabbled egg recipe while we are still cloaked in the essence of yesterday.

We really didn't do much of anything. We saw "Cursed", a great beginning but way too cheesy once it gets into the middle & ended up just sucking. We should have watched "Constantine" but I guess that will be next time. After that I made a few phone calls to see if I could rustle up a couple friends to join us at the other Cheers. Sadly most of everyone was either.

a] out of town
b] to tired to do anything
c] on a semester at sea
d] not returning any phone calls

I did get 3 friends to come out however. That doesn't include KJ cause she runs the system so she had to be there. It was so nice to see them & sing, even if it was the bad version of my Cheers. We stay out until 1am, even after everyone we know left, aside from KJ. I had a couple songs left to sing & it didn't matter. We were there, together, that was the only thing that did matter. We left full in laughing spirits & needing a good nights snuggling sleep.

Sunday, came too soon. Sunday, the day of departure. Sunday, I never thought I'd dread you so. Sunday, the sun was the only bright cheerful piece of day. Once again I awoke up too early. Always now too early, but it's the last day, I have to spend as much time awake & with Suisse as I can. Even though he is still sleeping so soundly, watching him sleep still is considered spending time together. Good quality peaceful time at that.

The second wave of tears came around noon. This time it was the realization that it was Sunday. 4 hours until I had to leave this nest. love nest. cozy, safe, blissful love nest. Realizing that our 2 yr anniversary [if you don't count the split, but then again who does?], is in two weeks; two months, April 22nd, until I will see Suisse again. I could not fight, I gave myself over to the tears. I accepted the pain of having my heart someplace else.

I began reading Tuesday's with Morrie, while I was there too. I only had about 60 pages to finish when I left. I recommend it to everyone. It's very touching, sentimental, thought provoking. Just all around wonderful.

Parte Deux will be written later. I need to finish my work for today. My 3-month review is tomorrow, it was today but they rescheduled. I don't know why but I am a little worried.

This week's scope~ Change is in the air at the start of the week, and your love life could use some. How to make it change of the positive sort? Deploy some quickie good-lovin' karma -- swear off selfishness and give 'til it hurts your heart (just a little). By Wednesday, balance is regained and the picture looks significantly brighter thanks to all your trouble. Express yourself on Thursday or Friday; you're communicating brilliantly, and flirting now is easy as pie (and everyone wants a slice of you). Keep your focus firmly on the future this weekend, regardless of the past's demands for your attention.