l Random crazy thoughts you don't want to read l

| June 02, 2005 || 11:25 p.m. |

The movie was great, very hilarious & I must admit, yes Tracey, J-lO did redeem herself with this movie. *ahemalthoughmichaelvartanwasthebest*

During the pre-movie dinner with the Momperellabrella, we talked a little bit about this guy Ca*ey's wedding coming up that she's attending. Ca*ey is a kid that I used to umm...let's say play with... at the age of 3-4, he's a year younger then me. Anyways, my Mom has been great friends with his Mom over the years although I haven't seen either of them since I was 4 yrs old. I mentioned that it might be nice to attend the wedding with her just to see both him & his brother again but then she mentioned that K*thy, Ca*ey's Mom, told her that Ca*ey's biological father might be there. *background* the last time my Mom saw this man [pathetic excuse for one at that] was when she was testifing to have his ass thrown in jail for molesting me when I was in the first grade.

Needless to say I changed my mind about going with her. Even the remote possibility that he might be there is creepy & weird. Apparently Ca*ey hasn't had any real relationship with this pefam [pathetic-excuse-for-a-man], for most of his life but since it's his wedding they sent an invitation. No one really knows if he will actually be there though.

My Mom told her friend that she wasn't particularly thrilled or interested in seeing him at all, understandably, so K*thy said she'd try to find out if he would be there or not.

I don't know how I'd feel seeing this man again after over 20 yrs. Would I cry? Would I beat the living fuck out of him? Would I even care? Umm...yes. I would care, but I can't even fathom how I'd react.

You have to understand this little aspect about me. I grew up with television, lifetime retarded shows blah blah & more blah. So my thoughts were that after I sent him to jail, once he got out he'd come back seeking revenge. For years I'd always watch for him or what I thought he might look like. I even remember one time at the high school pool I drug my friend Crystal out of the water because of some weirdo older guy that sort of looked like him [okay not at all but he did give me that really freaky creeped-out sex offender vibe]. I told her the entire story while changing in the locker room and I still swear this very day that that man followed us half way back to my house.

That's what I saw happening on TV so it had to have been the case for me, right? I've always had much too much of an active imagination. My brain creates some pretty insane things for me to ponder, a little too much for my own good at times.

My parents told me that he was banned from Alaska after the trial. I semi-believed them because I wanted to. I don't even know how long he was sentenced for to be honest. All I remember of the trial is going shopping with my Mom for a new white dress with flowers on it & the fucked up lawyer I had that made me, a 4/5 yr old girl used anatomically correct dolls in front of the pervert that molested her & the entire courts, to show what had happened the two occasions that I remembered something happening. Thank goodness my older brother saw what that bastard did to me that last time or else it probably would have never stopped.

I remember on the way to or from the trial my Mom was driving us in her bronze/goldish Honda Accord hatchback when the song "danger zone" came on & to make light of the situation she told me that that is where Tom was.. the danger zone. I also remember that "lollipop" came on too. The old one where they do the popping noise.

It's really strange, the things that I tend to remember. I have some of the oddest memories that are so random & innane no one else would even bother to remember them.

So yeah. This man, Tom Hurford, used to be my Dad's best friend. This man I've had nightmares about for at least the first 15 yrs of my life, might be in the same company as my Mom this month. I don't have nightmares anymore but the last time I did was back in the early 90's. I think it stopped sometime in early high school which for me was 93-94.

I wonder if I saw Ca*ey and he looked a lot like what I remember Tom to look like, I wonder if I'd freak out & crack his head open with the nearest bench toolset like I did when we were 3 & 4. Remember those wooden tool benches that are now cleverly made out of plastic. The one with all the faux tools so little boys can feel like they are mirroring their own fathers? Yeah, aside from being caught with his flacid penis in my tiny hands, naked in closets or under the covers, we used to fight like we were married too. Mostly we bit one another but one of the last times I got him good. Picked up that wooden toolbench & wacked him right ontop of his 3 yr old little head. A marriage between us would have never worked out. I'd be too paranoid about his biological father molesting our children & then I'd end up in jail for murder if my Father didn't first.

See what'd I tell ya? My brain has a mind of it's own. It's just thinks of some of the most random, insane shit. You all didn't know I was this crazy huh? Well welcome. You now know more about me then you probably even wanted to.