l Bound by distance l

| June 13, 2005 || 11:16 a.m. |

The weekend was good. I really can't complain about anything but the incident from last night with Suisse. There was some major miscommunication which resulted in me crying my eyes out until well past 1am. I think he thinks I hung up on him. He said he'd call me back after the show he was watching was over [which I do admit after him being gone camping all weekend long I was a little perturbed being snubbed for a tv program], I said okay and that was the end of the call right? I guess not. He never called me back & wouldn't pick up the phone an hour later when I called back. I freaked out thinking something could have happened to him. He picked up the phone twice only to hang it up again & so I kept calling and getting myself even more worked up & freaked out. I finally gave up realizing that if he didn't hear me [which he wasn't paying attention to anything I had said immediately prior to that statement/whatever because he was watching his show as I talked], he thinks I hung up on him and he hates it when I "play games". That is just rude and wrong for him to do that. But what can I do if he didn't hear me? I am over a thousand miles away so I can't do shit other then call him. I was tempted to call the police or a friend to go check on him but I realized I was being too imaginative like my grandma & over-reacting. I had to think like him. He thought I hung up on him & there is no way for me to let him know different since he refused to answer the phone.

I worked at both jobs this weekend and I went out Saturday night with a few X co-workers for a late late dinner. I really shouldn't have eaten that late but I was really hungry - a Ham & Brie sandwich sounded really good too.

My niece had her little birthday party at McD*onald's Saturday morning. She loved the outfits I got her & especially the cute barbie wedges [shoes] I got to go with both outfits.

I've been putting on make up lately. It's been a while since I've really blow dried my hair & put make up for work, or for anything really. It's amazing how much of a difference something so simple can do for ones attitude. I know I'm not myself here when I go to X with my hair done, make up on & in a good mood to have the one co-worker I talk to the most tell me that she is surprised to see me in such a great mood. I used to always be the super-duper sunshine girl at any job I had. No matter how shitty the outside world was I had a perma-grin and no one knew otherwise that my life was perfect. Now it seems I wear my emotions more visibly then before.

I'm not going to have much of a life other then work now. X gave me 3 days this week and I am starting a nice schedule at ODS starting a week from Tuesday. It looks like I'll be working nearly everyday! That's just more money for me. Hopefully that means I will not have time to be able to spend any of it too. I should have them block ebay and shopping site from my computer here at work. That would save me a bundle!! I should also modify my cable at home so I no longer have Sh*wtime or anything, that's a savings of almost twenty bucks alone a month. Yeah, I think I will. I also am going to find online, an apartment locator service cause not only can they find great deals but they usually offer to pay for moving when you go through them. I don't know why I didn't do that before, I was signed up with one but I just never followed through with anything. Dumbass. Just looking where I am now makes me kick myself in the ass for that one.

Ooh I emailed my ex-gf's Grandma to pass along a birthday message and now she has emailed me a couple times. Sounds like she is still up to the same old shit since she is now moving with her gf to Washington State. She's been with this one for a year and a half which calculates just right with when I saw her last and the gf she had then. She mentioned some girl she had met recently which just means that is the next girl she'll cheat on her current gf with and move to that next relationship. For a Gemini she is incredibly predictable but then again I don't think anyone else knows her as well I as do. Since I've known her she moved from San Fran to LA, to LB [with me] then back to LA, back to San Fran & then over to New Orleans... Now it's off to WA. It's always to run away from the hearts she has broken, women she's lied to & cheated on. I guess guilt does catch up to her, she just can't handle it when it does. Just like her father... Ooh well, to each their own.

Speaking of which, I still want to take the tattoo that we both have and change it, add on it, modify it to fit me more & I guess really to evolve it in the same way I have evolved. I just have no ideas as to how to change it. Removal is not an option, I won't ever erase my past or try to. The best thing to do is embrace it & bring forth what you can in a positive light.