l Dreading Mondays l

| June 27, 2005 || 2:52 p.m. |

I haven't been online or checking my emails much on the weekends lately and now I feel like an ass. I just got this email from my Grandma that she had sent out Saturday. I should have asked about my Uncle Bug and his Daughter at Sunday dinner rather than just sit there tired as hell doing nothing.

Here's the news article about Bug and Danetta's accident. I'll update you today when I can find out more. Danetta was one of them airlifted out to Tucson, AZ. Bug is in Silver City, NM hospital.

I finally went out!! Saturday night I closed with about 6 other people so we got out of work around 1020pm. I being the brilliant, excited girl that hasn't gone out in nearly 6 months, decided to buy a complete outfit for the occasion. 100 bucks later... I looked HOT! I got hit on by a couple girls that are so not anywhere close to my ummm likeness. I don't want to say 'type' cause honestly I don't have a specific 'type'. I stayed out until a little after 2am. I had so much fun dancing and just being the social butterfly that I once was. I did drink but only beer[s]. a few beers, quite a few beers actually. I didn't get sick but I wasn't feel 100% all day Sunday especially when I had to be at work at noon.

I don't know what it is but I can never sleep when I've been drinking. I went to bed at 10pm Friday night and slept until about 10 the next morning but if I had been drinking I would have stayed up until 1 or 2 and then been up by 7 or 8am. I hate it.

Ooh yeah Suisse called me Friday night. We talked until he had no more reception [he was on his way to the casino to play poker with bill]. Men are very frustrating creatures and long distance relationships suck ass. I've never really had one before but being that we were together for so long before it turned long distance it makes it more difficult. But just thinking of how we are meant to be gets me through my overly-imaginatively active mind.

I never wrote about it, at least I didn't really say anything about him here until I got my first toothbrush. Why? Well cause I had been chatting with a fellow dlander whom I was really really attracted to and didn't want to close that avenue off until I knew that Suisse was more then just a little fun past time. Things always work out the way they are meant to cause this guy whom I am referring to is now happily married to an astonishingly beautiful woman and they are expecting their 2nd child together. I can't say I'm not incredibly jealous since their relationship took off a lot faster then mine. But truth be known as much as I often write about him not calling and me constantly being upset about him for some reason or whatever [usually always the phone thing]. I know we are meant to be. He is the Yin to my Yang. I've felt that undeniable connection since we stayed at Cheers until 3am on a work night making out.

I've talked to quite a few people who have had long distance relationships and they all say the same thing. They are constantly fighting while they are apart but once reunited there is nothing but pure bliss. The saying is absence makes the heart grow fonder yet it seems absence makes the heart go psycho or perhaps yes fonder [I can't deny that, I love him more and more every day I breathe] but absence makes the mind go psycho. Frustration is a horrible thing and is the main reason I freak out and get depressed. It's comparable to an elderly couple that's been married for 50+ years and one of them suddenly passes. A vast majority of the time the other passes not to long after. True love feeds off the heat created by the flames their hearts make together.

It's only about 6 or 7 months tops until I will be moving back to CA. I'd love to move now, trust me there are times when I want to tell him to just jump in his car and come out to rescue me but I have to be practical and realistic. I have to think about our future & my future careers. I need to protect my resume but then again I think... How important is my protecting my resume then protecting my relationship? Which is a higher priority?