l Soothing sounds l

| June 28, 2005 || 4:38 p.m. |

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

This is the song I sang for my brother's wedding; their first dance, and now I know why that was the perfect choice. I found myself considering that very same song today.

I have a tendency to freak out when I haven't heard from him in a while which deep down I know that I really have nothing to worry about. I have an over-active imagination and I have yet to find the 'off' switch or even the pause/mute button. I know I've talked about this numerous times but its something that happens numerous times. I appreciate all of the comforting words that I get from all of you, I love it & that is really one of the reasons why I've stayed here locked up rather then quite 'blogging' completely. I enjoy and would dearly miss all of the friendly banter between us.

Now what I was trying to establish is no matter how often I freak out the moment his tender French laced voice falls upon my ears my soul is instantly comforted & all ill thoughts wash away.

I recently did something pretty despicable and don't really want to mention it but let's just say yesterday I got found out. My insecurity and curiosity got the best of me and I was caught red-handed. Now I'm one of the worse liars you'll ever cyber-meet so of course as I was discovered [confronted via email] my heart just about jumped out of my chest, I felt my sweat glands go into over drive and I panicked that all I have ever wanted I had just single-handedly destroyed. But it wasn't. I was honest, he expressed his disappointment and all was forgiven so to speak. I talked to him about it over the phone after we both left work, again after I left X & even online [first time he's been online at night in two weeks].

That entire experience for some reason wiped out my insecurities; I don't think I've felt so solid, so firm in our future as I did after that conversation. He's for real and so am I. He's serious about us becoming "US" and that is just what I needed to hear.

Some days are better then others but what I have to look forward is far better then.