l How my longest entry in a while l

| July 15, 2005 || 10:49 a.m. |

I don't know how I am doing with my Mom's situation. It was very difficult to not tear up last night when I saw her just curled in her bed with tears in her eyes cause she was in so much pain. It pisses me off most of all to even think that the doctor's would let her continue to be in such pain without knowing what was wrong. The pain killers and stuff they gave her is not only not working but it made her throw up all day on Wednesday so she is not even taking it anymore, it's also contributing to her blurry/double vision. It's strange but she hates the nausea most of all. She's never been one that got nauseous or anything like that before. Throughout my entire life I've never seen her get sick or known her to throw up.

My grandma came over right after I did with my Poppy and brought dinner but she couldn't or didn't want to eat. Both me and my grandma just stayed there watching her, wanting to hold her but afraid it would hurt her and we both couldn't help but tear up. It's killing my grandma not being able to fix her and make her well again. I know it's hard for me to see my mom that way but to see you're own daughter suffer in so much pain must be torture.

She has an appointment today at 11am and we both told her to not even leave the hospital until they knew what was wrong and did something about it [her pain, everything]. It's just cruel to make someone go home like that and have to wait for the next available appointment time. I think they are running some test today and if that doesn't tell them anything the only option left is a spinal tap, my mom all ready said she is not going to let them do that, it's much too painful and she can't handle anymore pain.

Argh. ok well I got a little too tipsy last night and while I didn't call him still I did forward the damn email flight info. This morning though I sent him a short email simply stating "disregard that itinerary, it's been cancelled". It actually was cause I found a better earlier flight to and later flight back for a dollar cheaper. I know it's just a damn dollar but saving money is saving right? I am not going to tell him about this one. But I fear that if I tried to surprise him on a long weekend he'd probably leave to go camping - with my luck. So I'd totally miss him and have no idea where he went camping to.

So my bonus that I got... is spent. Between my plane ticket, the refund for the purse and stuff I am back to broke. I did repost the purse on ebay but made damn sure I specified that it was an imitation - I even linked the original seller whom I bought it from and linked his 'latest authentic bag' that is exactly like the one I bought but with White handles and piping instead of teal. Funny thing is the website only shows a hunter green version too. Clearly the signature cc's are off too. I was told that all the cc's are lined up to be split down the center exactly. ooh well, I linked him so hopefully people will see. Unfortunately I can't go back and change the feedback I left, not for lack of trying.

There's a bidding war going on here at the office. All of the furniture and stuff from a model home is up for grabs and the girls here at Corporate are very territorial. I swear they are camped out right next to the silent auction bidding book to make sure they outbid anyone that puts anything in. It's rediculous. There's a coffee table that would be perfect for my Mom's house and a nightstand that actually matches my antique dresser perfectly. I'd love to win it since I don't have a nightstand at all. I am tired of using that damn tuperware 3-drawer thing. Although I really shouldn't be spending so much. I finally gave up on the TV cause honestly for how small it is I can get one the same price at Walmart or somewhere like that [Psst Patricia also told me that they don't even know if it works]. They won't make anyone pay though if it doesn't.

There was a huge storm that blew in last night so I woke up to torrential downpour with thunder and lightning, it soaked me as I ran to my car. That means that the builders are on a non-work day & hopefully that they all will come in early [some all ready have] so I can leave earlier and get my massage!!!! I am soooooo incredibly ready for that! At least I have something good to look forward to. Ooh and ODS just called to say I don't have to come in until 3 rather then 1. woot woot!