l Dumbass move l

| July 20, 2005 || 1:42 p.m. |

This is the email I just sent Suisse:

i'm confused. i'm confused and saddened.
i reached out to you and you have not even responded, not via email, text or phone.
i am confused, i asked for your comfort, your love and emotional support and have received nothing.
my mom has 'breast cancer matastisized into her central nervous system' [the medical term]. it's the worst place for cancer cells to be. they can go anywhere they want to now.
i am scared to death because this is it for my mom and at the same time it seems as if it is it for us as well.
if you would only tell me that you love me, miss me, everything will be okay [which i know is bullshit but placate me please?].
i need someone to turn to and i've always wanted that person to be you.
i am confused, please help me understand.
all my love, always, angel

In other news:
I talked to the Showroom Manager this morning and she said that they haven't even started interviewing yet but if I was still serious about moving over there to stop by this Saturday. Not only could they use the help but that would give me an excellent portrait of what it will be like. I'm actually very excited since I have the whole weekend off anyways I told her I had to check out some apartments earlier but I'd definitely be there. Hell now that I am thinking about it most of the Apartments I want to check out are open on Sunday so I could just do that instead. I am dead serious about this position and if I can slip in earlier then the end of September then I'm lunging at the chance.

There are only a handful of apartments in which I think I will be able to afford, in the area that my Mom wants me to move at least. I don't want to go to far away and in light of current events I'd rather have a long commute to work then be too far from my Mom. Hell last night I even considered telling her I'd move back in if that is what she wanted.

Last night was difficult emotionally. She was able to come home but all the moving about in the cars, around the house got her really sick, her eyes are bothering her the most and she has said on many occations that if she were to lose her sight I'd have to move in with her to do her hair and make-up daily. She said she's just too vain to go blind. Then she had to start going into the insurance money all of us will get, how we should spend it etc. Damn she is controlling alive and it looks like she'll be just as controlling from the grave. No, I'm kidding but she did tell me that I should use a majority of it to buy a house after I get my MINI and pay off my debts. She knows her daughter pretty well huh? It's true that all of us kids and her hubby will get quite a bit of money but none of that really matters, I'd rather have my Mom alive to see my kids born then get my MINI or something materialistic like that. She cried a lot and we all cried along with her: Aussie, my little brother and myself. The only person I haven't seen tear up so much is my Poppy but I know it's killing him to see his only daughter go through this.

I'm at a lose for words. I have a ton of Bruce CDs that I've burned to send to my Brucegirl. I need things to keep my mind preoccupied and unfortunately here at work all I can do is incessantly check my email always to be disappointed.

[edit] 4:54pm - still no response to my email. [/edit]