l Say it isn't so l

| July 27, 2005 || 3:34 p.m. |

Nothing. Still nothing. lots of fucking nothing. That's what I get. I'm sick to my stomach with stress. I'm tired of hearing shit from my friends/family/everyone about how he is acting. I'm tired of being tired. I'm sick of feeling sick over what I seriously cannot control. This is the last straw.

i feel like an asshole calling when you clearly have no intention of answering the phone because of what or whom i have no idea.
i guess this is what you want.
it's over.
we're over.
i want a life partner and it just does not seem as if you want to be a part of my life.

I've resorted to begging for a response, a two second phone call on the way to work even. I can't be desperate for a love that I deserve. I can't continue to give and give all of my heart when I get almost nothing in return. Even if he doesn't know what to say to me about my Mom's situation you'd think a man that says he loves you, says he wants to marry you would at least call once, especially after you've poured your heart out numerous times via email and messages saying how much the timbre of his voice could wash away all my pain.... You'd think. I thought.

Perhaps he takes me for granted because he does know how deeply I love him and want us to be together as a family, creating a beautiful life together... That's a damn shame if he does because I'm washing away farther and farther away from him with each tear I cry.

[please I do not wish to be rude but please do not comment/note or anything about what I just wrote, I can't handle hearing anything more]

Also, when I mentioned before about having re-sold that damn fake Coach bag I was wrong. That dick I bought it from must have a hard-on for me since I had blasted him [linkwise] about selling fakes - Every auction I've tried to post was reported [by whom... i fucking wonder] as either A] the images or text was stolen or B] not authentic and [get this] replicas are prohibited from being sold on eaby. The second time [where they said they do not allow replicas from being sold] I used a different ebay account that I set up a long time ago but never used. He [this dick] must have saved the images [MY IMAGES] that I used and found them under that no-feedback-never-used account name and reported me.

What does that mean? I am fucked. I am stuck with a damn bag I don't want. Unless I can find someone that would list it for me - of course I'd use completely NEW pics and do my very own original spewing of the bag description etc... How fucked up is that? Eaby told the person who won my last auction they didn't have to go through with the transaction [after I sent their manufactored invoice] so they didn't.

Ooh yeah, the pool party is tonight & I woke up to a fucking rain storm. It's still gross and cloudy with a good chance of another storm tonight too.