l Hookie for this hooker l

| August 18, 2005 || 5:33 p.m. |

I started a group on myspace. If you speak any french at all come join it!!

I am skipping out on work tonight. I am way too tired to work and I haven't been sleeping very well lately either. I have way too much on my mind as of late. Death, Cancer, Love [lack thereof], Suisse [lack thereof] and all other depressing shit. I can't help it. I need sex in a bad bad way. It's been umm... close to 4 months. I miss him, I miss us. I miss feeling him next to me, snuggling, cuddling, kissing and just existing near him. His presence is just overwhelming and I'm now completely in freak-out, total withdrawl mode. Talk about cold-turkey. This is worse then quitting smoking or even heroin [smoking is supposed to be harder but heroin sounds so much worse ya know? not that I'd ever try it but whatever it's a fucking analogy].

I'm trying to learn Tarot cards now. I've been going back to the Yi a lot to help me figure things out and keep my own sanity and one of the 'friends' at onlineclarity were recommending this site as a great place to learn and meet people that are learning or experts themselves so of course I had to check it out. I ended up paying the overseas membership fee and signed up. I have to say I've been rather spendy lately in this damn depression. Perhaps if I tried to remember to take my Wellbutr*n every morning it would't be so terrible but it is.

I want to keep myself busy doing whatever I can to keep my mind off of things but I think I am just wearing myself out at the same time. My body is just incredibly stressed and fatigued. The good news is though that I've been losing weight. I needed that, but just wait until I become happier and then it will all come back.

I'm doing a good deed tomorrow night. I called my older brother to ask him if he and his wife wanted to go see a movie or something Friday night and I'd babysit since he helped me move all my stuff over I figure it's the least I can do. Shelby [my niece] also has been wanting to do a sleep over now that I am closer to home. As it turns out Tuesday is their 8 yr. wedding anniversary and he decided that he could use it as a way to take his wife out for a nice dinner etc. Wow, I don't ever get that kind of stuff from Suisse just popping out of his mouth.

So yeah that's the plan. I think I am picking up the kids from my Mom's after I am off work and then they can pick up Kole [nephew] after they are all done for the night. If they do the movie thing that would be easy since I am literally right next door. That should make for a nice relaxing/rewarding Friday night huh?

Now I am out of here to finally do the grocery shopping I've been trying to do all week and then go home and veg out.