l I hate change l

| August 22, 2005 || 5:15 p.m. |

My Mom seems to be getting weaker by the day. It's strange, she lost her hair because of the radiation they did on her head all of which was expected but now she is back using her wheelchair. Her legs are getting weaker and I don't understand why. This past weekend they started swelling as well. Why would her legs be affected like this now when they never did that before in the past 2 yrs? It's frightening to see her back in that damn chair. It was only 3-4 yrs ago I met my Dad in Palm Springs and met his wife's life-long friend that was dying from cancer, she only lived another month or two after I met her and her legs, stomach and entire body was swollen up like that. Now she was able to walk but her legs looked like long over-blown balloons.

I took her to Wally-wally Sunday and she had to use the electric cart thingie. I went to pick it up for her and ride it to the door so she didn't have to walk in but I couldn't figure it out. The little old lady had to show me how. My mom bought me a new dining room table too. It goes more with my decor but it sucked arse having to essemble it for 3 hours last night. My right is so sore and swollen I don't think I've ever achieved that masturbating!

I took my niece and nephew Friday night which was a little bit more then I had expected but not so bad as I wouldn't do it again. *Mental note: Stock up on snack foods, juices and kid-approved cereals* We watched movies [cartoons] and I even snuck in an ole Betty Boop [or as Shelby calls her - Benny Boop], DVD.

By the time we all went to bed I was literally on the last two inches of bed I was spared and not sleeping very well. It went me, Shelby and Kole - somehow Kole was in the middle of the bed. He wanted the covers up to his ears, Shelby was too hot so she kicked them off her and me, well I had to grab a little blanket to keep my tootsies warm.

Around 3-4am I woke up to Kole talking in his sleep. Well screaming more like it. He was punching the air and saying "you're not real! you're not real". That was the most adorable yet sad thing I've even seen. I got out of bed, walked around to the other side scooping him up in my arms, rubbed his back and reassured him that it was okay, no one was there and he was safe. I had to repeat this process about 3 more times before I woke up at 830.

Saturday was one incredibly long day at work. I hit the bed hard as soon as I got home around 530pm. I was so close to not going out. I woke up around 8pm and was originally thinking I'd be out the door by that time and picking up Kate by 830 but no way. I could barely motivate myself to get out of bed. I did my best to paint my face and gussy up. I think I did an okay job. I was really excited to wear the top I had just bought at X. Ya, I spent like way too much money that I really don't have but it was an extra 15% weekend but only on business wear and let's face it I need more of that. *coughyarightcough*

The night was strange. I think there was a lot of shit in the air from the full moon we had Friday night. It was just bizarre. The good news is I ran into a girl I met last year thru the psycho at S4. I ran over with Kate so she could say hi to a few friends and after pushing my way through the crowd I found an empty seat and went to ask the girls in that row if they didn't mind when I heard her yell - "Angel!!" That was a nice unexpected surprise. Happy accidents. Gotta love them. She ended up coming next door and hanging out later on which thank goodness. I needed the company. *long story will get into later*
The girl she brought was incredibly cute. An incredibly cute scorpio with a few pisces traits... good ones I think. A cool new friend to add my friends list. Sweet. I need to expand and continue to create a social circle.

I got my D*sh Network finally early early Sunday morning. Shit I got home around 4am to get a call at 8am from the installer asking if he could come by early. It was supposed to have been 12-5. Whatever he just probably wanted to catch me in my jammies: pink snoopy pants and bruce springsteen t-shirt from the rising show in New Jersey.

It's after 5 and I should be the fuck out of here. I've been working hard to hardly work today. Mission accomplished.