l Let's see if I can actually write a full entry. l

| August 25, 2005 || 2:11 p.m. |

Shit now I can't remember all it was I wanted to write about.

Well I'm going to be arriving in CA in exactly one week at this very moment [since it's 11am here and 9 there]. I am excited and yet extremely nervous. I don't know for certain if I will get to see Suisse. I am very hopeful though. I got to im with him last night for the first time in over a month and lucky for me it lasted a nice 2 hours. That's all I will mention about that though. * What I wouldn't do for that man *

This whole situation is so tremendously tormenting me. I want to be with him, he can't move here [legally] and yet I don't want to leave my Mom until she umm... well until you know. He got upset with me last night talking about that. I hate to think of her ya know, but it's a fact, it's inevitable. If I were to move there to be with him at this moment with her still fighting I would regret not being here for when that time does come. That is something that I might end up resenting him for and I don't want that. I want us to have a long happy life together. No regrets.

Anyhow, I am on a cloud 9 high after just talking with him last night. I slept so much better it's insane. The funny part is I was thinking of him the entire time I was closing at X. I was this [] close to calling him but I resisted then there he was online. Kismet. I just have to be patient and really work hard on controlling the drama queen/pushy girl I know I let come out when I let my emotions over-react.

I keep forgetting what I want to type, dammit. Ooh that girl I met that lives down the road. Well she turned out to a total liar and so I wrote her off. I can't have a relationship even if it is just a friendship that is based on lies. Liars just don't bode well with me. I can't lie to save my own life. It's sad really. I have never been able to get away with anything! * wink * It's actually a good thing. I suppose.

Did I mention that I have joined a Tarot group? It's really exciting. Although the website forum board isn't used as much I was able to find a lot of other cool boards through that same system [hockey boards]. I have a universal screen name so I can post on any group that uses that forum board system. The group is called TABI. I think I did mention it before. I signed up and paid for the overseas membership and everything! In fact I just received an email from them telling me that my welcome package just was sent out. yay! I get a welcome packet!! I'm so easily amused.

It's so much fun chatting with people on those forum boards. I had my own forum but now my angelsellars.com doesn't seem to be working and neither is the forum I had. I had some pretty cool topics set up and at one point an arcade area. I want to get that all back up and running but I have to get things rolling with Jax. I keep forgetting to give her a call. I thought it would be a cool place for all you guys to go and talk about random crap, entries, drama, bf's, gf's etc. ya know blah blah blah stuff. It never quite took off but I just need to figure out a way of implimenting it properly. That's where the Jax comes in. She's a webgoddess.

If anyone is good with graphics you are more then welcome to design a logo for me. * wink wink * I would just love ya forever!

Okay I am way behind today. Thank goodness tomorrow is finally Friday.