l Sorry for the hiatus l

| September 19, 2005 || 12:12 p.m. |

Have you ever wanted a night alone? After having my best friend and cousin here with me I honestly wanted to keep them right here with me but now that they are at home I only wish I hadn't opened my big fat all too generous mouth and offered my home to my mom's best friend who is still here and completely worn out her welcome.

Today's horoscope~

Your selfless nature will be challenged. This time, grab what you want and hold on.

I'm about ready to kick her ass back to California. Is that bad? Perhaps it's just the low tolerance I have with anyone that is not family but she has just been so incredibly rude about asking for something of Mom's; a piece of jewelry [yeah so not happening], an article of clothing or anything. Not that I don't think she should have something to remember her buy but the fact that she never let us have a chance to offer it to her and that she is just plain rude and blatant about it; bring it up every second she gets. I am just done with this shit. I've reached an emotional plateau. There's nothing more I can cry over until things change and I can move on down those emotional grieving stages. Does that make sense?

I'm all ready negative 130 bucks and I don't get paid until Friday. Fuck me.
Thanks to my Dad for paying the 135 bucks to get my tires fixed. It's easier for him to just pay for something like that over the phone than try to figure out how to get me money. I don't know how I'm going to figure out the gas situation, I have to be able to get to work, home and to the hospice center after work everyday from today until Friday or if she passes before that� fucks that is bad sounding.

The time she's had with my cousin Jayna was great. My Mom laughed. She really laughed. She said "Jayna you're crazy!". She laughed at me and the pink highlights I had in my hair because I used the red shampoo I got from cleaning out her bathroom.

Ooh yeah, her husband the Aussie hasn't been able to sleep in their room or use their bathroom because it was too hard for him to see all of my Mom's things so my grandma, sister-in-law and myself had to go over and clean out her closet. We donated 26 large garbage bags that were just clothes [Yeah, my Mom knew how to shop], to the local hurricane shelter place. That was after we each picked out anything we wanted of hers. Sometime this week we are getting all us kids together to go through her jewelry and stuff to see what if anyone wants of hers. I get her jewelry box and most of it but there might be some stuff my older brother wants to keep to give to his daughter. It's all fair; I am making sure of it.

Do they have gas gift cards? If they did I would so ask people to be so generous and send me one but lucky for me prices are or have been going down here. I paid a nice 2.69 a gallon for the crap stuff this morning and I could barely get near the 3/4 mark. I'd also be willing to accept grocery cards!!

I've been getting eaten out of house and home! Well not by my cousin or Mary, they were so incredibly generous about helping me with anything they could. I love them both and only wish I could have shown them a better weekend/time � perhaps next time the visit will be under much better circumstances. I did take them out to Shitty Streets in downtown Saturday night. They sat there and waited so patiently for my 2 songs. I did get hit on hard core by the bald, goateed Hawaiian shirt wearing KJ. No way in hell did he have a shot in hell but if he could help get my song pushed up in the Queue I let him flirt. He did let me know about the new Contests they have on Thursday nights. It's only 75 bucks for 1st and 25 for 2nd but at this point I wouldn't even mind coming in 2nd. 25 bucks is 25 bucks richer then I am right now.