l Tell me now how should I feel? l

| September 22, 2005 || 12:36 p.m. |

She didn't respond at all last night. Not one word. Nothing. That is what I can't handle. I can't just sit there and have her not respond to anything, anything at all. I lost my composure big time. I broke down and tried to call Suisse; nothing. I called Tracey, she was there for me and for that I am so incredibly grateful. Thank you girl, I love you dearly and that you know.

There was something else I wanted to write about and of course now I forget.

My apartment is a disaster and I would swear that H.Rita had all ready hit but no, she comes this weekend and because of all the evacuating going on my Mom's hospice room is filled up. She not only has one neighbor but will likely have another bed put in the living room area so that tiny room will be swamped. I'm seriously considering not visiting today. I have so many things I need to get done before Music Man comes out Saturday morning, that is if his flight does not get cancelled due to Rita.

In one light I kind of do hope it does just so he won't have to suffer through all this crap ass weather, 50 mph winds [so they say] and be bored or stuck in my apartment with me if the power does go out. What fun would that be? None at all. On the same token I do really need someone to be with me this weekend and if we can get out of the apartment all our karaoke madness will be so therapeutic and so incredibly needed right now. If his flight gets cancelled it will just get to be rescheduled [at no extra cost since it's mother nature] for a time that we can have decent weather.

Just in case all of this Rita shit does bring a power outage I need to stock up on can goods or foods that don't require heating or cooking as well as bottled water... only problem with that is no moolah. I'll have a little tomorrow but not much. My friggin car payment is going to be so late cause after taking one day off with no pay last week I can't afford to pay it, my check won't even cover that!!! How fucking sad and depressing is that? I have no clue how I will not only come up with rent on the first but also pay my car insurance that is due at the same time. Gawd I can't afford to not work all my friggin jobs right now but have no emotional strength or motivation to work just this one.

I have so much I need to get done today, that is including all the shit I should have done yesterday that I just didn't want to bother with.