l still here... blah l

| October 13, 2005 || 1:19 a.m. |

I suck. It's been two days without an entry and there is no excuse other then I've just had absolutely nothing going on in my life.

Seriously I will never again want to take time off of work... unless I am going somewhere. Being that I am not sick, physically I mean, I hate being couped up in my apartment with no social interaction. No one calls except my Grandma and that's just to check what my pain level is at on a scale of 1-10 and ask how many pain pills I had taken that day.

I know I could feasibly drive on this medication but I was told not to and if my Grandma were to find out I was out gallavanting around to where I have no fucking clue but if she did I would have hell to pay.

I really have no place to go. I don't have any friends to go visit in the vicinity and I have no bar where everybody knows my name anymore... This sucks. The only places I could think of roaming to is my office and the mall which is kind of essentially another office of mine.

The most excitement I've had all week since being released from the hospital is when my Grandma picked me up today. We went to St*rfucks for a toffee nut latte and then to my Mom's burial site. They placed her temporary marker and it has a vase on it so she bought roses and we arranged a nice little thing there for her. It was the first time I'd been there since the memorial/burial of her cremains. I cried. Well we both cried because honestly it still doesn't seem real that she's gone. Everyday we both get the urge to pick up the phone and call her or expect the next phone call to bring up her number on the caller id.

We have all fallen apart since she passed. Just take me for example. I went my entire life without ever having to be taken to the er [exception being for the car accident of halloween 98] and now here I had to have an emergency appendectomy 2 weeks later. She truly was the rock that kept our tiny stones from washing away with the tide. My Poppy has severe clogging of one of his caraded arteries. Sorry I didn't even attempt to try to spell that one. It's far too late at night.

I've had to sleep on my back since being in hospital. I am a side sleeper but it hurts to sleep on my side. At least until this shit heals completely. Being on my back at night makes me open my mouth more at night which also fucks up my throat. I hate breathing through my mouth at night. I just remember Cats Eye and it freaks me out. Drew Barrymore. Cats Eye. Go watch it; you'll never consciously sleep with your mouth open again. Yet another reason I love cats so much. They sense and kill little ugly breath-stealing trolls that live in the walls.

Speaking of cats, my mom's cat oppie has been in my lap a lot lately. Now she doesn't lay in laps often, or at least she didn't but now she does as often as she can. Yet only if you're wearing long pants, she will not lay on bare legs. not once ever. Odd girl, but I love her.

I should go to bed. Although I sleep too much these days.