l So much for a best friend l

| December 19, 2005 || 8:31 a.m. |

*what you read below is the transcripts of the recent email[s] I received from my supposed best friend. I've known her the longest out of all my close friends & we've gone almost a year without so much as more then two phone calls. Since I've moved out here however we've become a lot closer and communicated a lot more. I guess this is what happens when *I* forget to keep that up. Guess the phone really doesn't work both ways.

Hi Angel, I haven't talked to you in a while. That is great that you finally got a house, congrats. I've decided to make my Cousin Amanda my Maid of Honour. I feel that the only time you contact me is when it is good for you. Not once have you called to see how everything is going. Every time I talked to you about my wedding you just blew me off like it wasn't important. Even though you had your pretend wedding I still
listened to you. Also, when you came down for Thanksgiving you told me
it was to see your friend. Who the hell am I??? You expect me to fly
out to see you on a whim, yet you don't even bother seeing me for one
hour when your here unless I go to see you. I guess you were just too
busy with your "Real Friends". The only person you think of is yourself
and maybe you should start thinking about other people before you loose
all of your friends.

*name withheld to protect the whatever*

Thanks for the congratulations. I'm sorry you are feeling this way right now. I've been working form 730am until 1230 sometimes 1am nearly everyday for the past couple weeks due to the xmas season.

I talked to you while I was in CA and asked to arrange for us to get together and you said you were tired &/or had too many things to do the next day (it was holiday). My phone was tossed in water Thursday by Natasha's daughter and I did not have anyone's phone number or anyway to get ahold of anyone. I don't even know my grandma's number by heart. I tried and I felt as if you did not really want to see me. I didn't take it too much to heart because I know how stressed you have been with everything. Unfortunately I had no way of getting around while I was there unless Natasha would take me. Her mom's not very willing to babysit so I only got Wednesday night to go out (remember I called and asked you to go). I had to stay there bored out of my mind doing nothing all Thursday night when I could have been out with you having fun, socializing etc but I had no phone & they were not going anywhere. I should have just rented a car so now I know better for next time.

As far as blowing you off about your wedding, that's a bunch of shit. All I've done is ask what I can do, when can I do something... I still haven't received the dress you were going to send me from V. I need to get that altered or buy one here. My "pretend wedding", I haven't even thought about that or talked about that since way before my mom got sick & died.

I didn't expect you to fly out here on a whim. I asked you to come & you said you wanted to. I even bought the damn ticket because it meant that much to me to have you here with me. I needed my best friend. I haven't even asked you once about paying me back because I don't really give a shit about it, I'd rather have our friendship, that means more to me then a fucking plane ticket.

Excuse me for working too much & being so damn exhausted that I can't even clean my house, eat let alone call anyone. I don't think it's appropriate to call someone, even you, after 10pm. I'm just now getting home from Express and it's 115am. I work tomorrow too, monday night, tuesday night and wednesday night then again on xmas eve. My first night to go xmas shopping is Thursday and I don't even want to go to a mall and shop after working there all the time.

So I'm sorry. If you can't understand that then I guess our friendship isn't worth anything. I'm a forever behind you in whatever you do. We've gone 6 months or more without talking and this has never happened. I am really sorry to see it happening now. If you don't want me as your maid of honour then perhaps I shouldn't even be at the wedding. I can respect your decision.

As far as the "real friends" term. I saw Natasha. That's it. I saw Natasha, a couple people at Patsy's, none of which mattered, and Arnaud. I don't have many real friends. I wish I could have been able to see you but it couldn't happen I guess. There really wasn't that much time and with my phone being destroyed. Well that was a semi-relief because I was all ready extremely stressed out because everyone and their mother wanted me to meet them here, there or whatever and I came down to relax, not run around to see a ton of people I hadn't seen since high school or whatever. I only wanted to see the people that mattered, my three real friends. It's a shame that I only got to see two of you.

If you don't want me to call then I won't. Like I said I will respect your decision.

Love always,

Angel

*My responses I inserted into her response. I guess to try to make more of a point. I made my comments in "**" and here I will unitalize them.

First you only called me on the night you got here and only wanted me
to go to a bar with you, I never got a call after that. **I couldn't call you after that because my phone was fried. I don't remember your number. I know I probably should but I don't remember anyone's number since the dawn of the cell phone age. I know off the top of my head it's 714-310 but nothing after that. The only reason I remember that much is because I always associate 310 as the LA area code. I didn't even know my own mother's home or cell phone number & she's my emergency contact, guess I would have been screwed had I been in an accident and my phone broke.** Knowing me for sooo long and never remembering my phone number. I've had that number for six years, hard to believe. About my wedding, I've tried to talk to you about it and no you never acted interested. **Telling you how much I love the idea of the crystal vases when you like them but no one else does hardly shows no interest. Trying to help you pick out the colors of the wedding or dresses really shows no interest too. I did as much as I could being so far away. I'm excited & brag about your wedding; I would hardly say I have no interest.** Every time I talked about it the conversation turned in to you and when the hell have you been supportive? *when you wanted something that no one in your family liked or thought would be good, I was always behind you in having because it's your wedding and you deserve to have anything and EVERYTHING you want, not what your family wants.** You're always doing something else while I talk so I end up stopping. On top of that I was gong to give you that dress for free all you had to pay for was alterations, but you were all hurt because it wasn't your size. ** in no way was I hurt, at the time I did not have much money so it was a great thing for you to offer even though I offered to pay for the dress & pay for its shipping yet you would not let me. I was upset by the fact that you had to pay for your sisters dresses so why would I be so willing to let you pay for mine??** I was never told I was to pay you back for "half" the cost of the ticket,** no you never said you'd pay half the ticket, you told me you'd pay me back when you could. I wanted you to come out so badly that I offered to pay it upfront... I was looking for tickets just as much as you were. I never said WHEN you had to pay me back because that did not and does not matter.** I told you I didn't have the money to come out and I lost a day of work. I will send you that money on my next pay day. You never cared about calling me late before, why such a change in consideration? **I did care, I get home much later then I did before & when I used to call you on my way home. After working 17 hour days I don't even think to do anything while driving home, I'm surprised I can even make it home. ** You're making up excuses for the way you treat your friend, that's just wrong! So you can think what you want about the situation, it's not how I feel right now it's how I feel. If you were a good friend this would not be happening. **Apparently I am a shit ass friend to everyone since the phone works ONE WAY and I'm the only one that is able (or apparently unable) to pick up and dial. I looked through my cell phone bill and I called you last but that doesn't make one BIT of difference now does it?? I have called you more this past year then I've called anyone in my family or anyone of my other friends** I'm tired of talking about this besides know matter what I say you'll make up some other excuse for it to be the way it is. **It's not excuses when it's fact.** Best of luck on everything that's ahead. If you do ever need anything I will always be here. ** Yeah, when I am the one to call.**

*name withheld to protect the whatever*

After my non-italized response this is all she wrote: I'm not even going to try. Good Luck

I'm so proud to see our friendship is so worth trying for. I don't even know what to do. This shit came out of left field and excuse the fuck out of me that I have to work every fucking day this week (including the days I have off from my full time job) and every fucking night until nearly 1am with the only exception of having Thursday night off that I can't find the time to even call my own grandmother let alone anyone else. I'm paying my friggin cell phone bill but not even really using my damn cell phone!

I'm too tired for this shit. I won't go to her wedding. I won't be her fucking maid of honour even though I was the one that got to the two of them together 8 yrs ago. She would have never met him nor given him her number if I hadn't made her. That's gratitude for ya.