l cheating on this update but random thoughts l

| April 24, 2006 || 7:05 p.m. |

*I wrote my cousin an email earlier on myspace & I thought it'd make for a nice short entry since I ran out of time today*

The more I think about it the more I think that I'd really like being in a relationship with Conun. I'm not going to get comfy with that thought until I know where he is at but even after talking to my Dad about it I feel pretty good.

I'm a bit worried that right now in my life, where I am at, I know that I am pushing my 'timeline' for what I want to achieve family wise. I am 26 and want to be start having kids at 32/33 if not a year before. I want to be married for at least a few years before doing that even... I don't want to rush into anything that's for certain but I am starting to feel that pressure. Ever watch Sex in the City where Carrie is going to all these parties where ever one is married with kids and people just assume that she's the same? I felt like that at Mary's wedding even more so since I was stag but I think I turned it around to my favor by at least feeling the confidence of being so financially independent and a home owner. Not many if any of my old high school buddies could say the same.

I feel it also when I am at practice or just like last night after practice I went to dinner with some of the girls from the 5th team and there are so many of them that are my age, younger and older that are married (I'd say at least 75% of them) with kids. And here I sit not even being able to know if I can say I have a boyfriend or not. I slipped and referred to Conun as a bf but corrected myself immediately saying semi-bf.

*Please feel free to give me all & any of your feedback*