l What's with all those nice boys? l

| August 21, 2006 || 12:46 a.m. |

Again I've been busy, always frickin busy. I've realized something lately. No matter how happy I seem to be with someone; right now I just can't seem to let myself be happy with someone.

Pro, the guy I've been seeing for a while now, the producer of that show I kind of mentioned a while ago. He's so crazy in love with me and I don't have a problem with that but sometimes when you're a woman, you want someone to love you but not be crazy, gushy, way too much-over-the-top in love with you. I do know that he'd do absolutely anything for me. Like my drunk ass driving the wrong way home and running out of gas 4 miles away from home and he drove over an hour from his house to come and rescue me. It was about 5 am and I didn't think to call or text message anyone other then him. I knew I could count on him and I could... That scares me. I don't like feeling comfortable with someone right now. Now if it were Suisse, then that would be a different story but with anyone else it's just not comfortable to be that comfortable with someone again. He's sweet. So sweet. I could very well have a nice long relationship with him but as far as marriage and kids... I just don't see that. Perhaps I don't want to see it because deep down I still secretly harbor hopes that Suisse will come around and change his ways...or something. I don't know. I just know that lately, after spending a night back in Suisse's arms I have found that when Pro has been over I've done a lot more non-cuddling or even pushing him away at night. Now at the time I see it more as "you're hot; don't touch me" kind of thing. Do I feel bad about that? Yes. He takes whatever bitchiness that I hand out and then text messages me with "why does the bitchy you still make me smile?"

Bastard. Why does he have to be so damn good to me? I don't get it. I really don't. Hell, I don't even know if I deserve it but I'm not going to fuck with it. He keeps doing everything and anything for me; I'll just try my best to enjoy it and not fuck it up.

Labor day. I'm actually going to San Antonio with him to visit my ex-temp roomie and her bf. I've never been so I'm pretty damn excited, plus I'm pretty damn excited to be staying at the haunted hotel that sits on the Alamo.

OK, Well I wanted to update a bit before I went to bed. I'll do my best to update a bit more often. I just need to start making the time to update rather then making the time to drink and party.