l I love scary movies! l

| August 24, 2006 || 10:06 p.m. |

He got weird again. I don't know if I had talked about his birthday and the drunken skate when he broke his ankle and I had his sister take him home. Well he got drunk Tuesday night and started pushing all his feelings on me again. It's not even so much that he's just sharing his feelings but he's very direct and way too pushy with them. I don't know if pushy is the right word but he's just very in your face kind of way. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't mind talking about feelings and what not but the way he puts things make me feel as if he's telling me how to feel to how I feel. He even said something about how we could even be "it" for one another.

Now I like him, I really do but I don't see us as "it" for one another. I don't see me being the "one" for him and I know that he's not the "one" for me. I see us having fun and being together for a while but not forever.

The whole conversation freaked me out and I asked him to leave. It was after 3 am or perhaps closer to 4 or something. I don't remember but I told him to go home. He left this morning to do some taping in Long Beach and Las Vegas for a week. He won't be back until next Friday and I for one really don't want to talk to him until then. I mean we're going to San Antonio together for a weekend. I mean I have money invested all ready and he does as well so we kind of have to go. I can't afford to let money just go to waste.

I'm not saying that I'm ending it but I really am not ready to be going as fast as he is taking things. I guess he just know how to censor himself when he's been drinking. I don't think he gets it. I don't think he understands that I am not ready for a relationship...even if we don't really call it that.

Anyways, tomorrow is the prebout party and then Sunday is the day. The championship bout thus marking the end of my very first season of roller derby. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. It almost feels like my first bout. I know I will be playing more this time then last and perhaps my anxiety comes from not wanting to disappoint my teammates. I want to really push myself. I need to really push myself at becoming betters, building my endurance and living up to what my captain believes that I can achieve and be. I know I can be that, I know I can do that but I just have to push.

Okay. I'm going to finish watching my scary movie and go to bed. I got little to no sleep last night. I had way too much talking and hanging out with some friends after the bar.