l Happy New Years! l

| December 31, 2006 || 8:02 p.m. |

Nothings changed and everything's the same here in my little house in Cow Town, Tejas. I spend my days/nights off doing absolutely nothing but lie on my couch watching the boobtube.

Last night was the first night I've had by myself since Lex and I started dating. It was nice but also quite lonely. I liked having the bed all to myself but for some reason kept waking up and didn't sleep very well. It's his son's 3rd birthday today so Lex came over for a couple hours, then left to go spend more time with his son. Lex was going to have his son for the night but now he is dropping his son off at his other grandparents house. That way he will be with his two sisters (not fathered by Lex) for the rest of his b-day evening.

I really don't know what we're going to do tonight. There are quite a few options of places to go but I think we will end up at Vino's. I don't want to go out too far since the cops have been out a lot more visibly lately and it is a major drinking holiday.

My friend came over Friday night and cut my hair for me. It's not too short, about shoulder length or right past the shoulders. I need to do something about my colour though. I have so much gray in the front of hair it's depressing. I got to drinking red wine with her afterwards while Lex played GH2 in the living room and I told her (after we opened the 2nd bottle mind you), that I "L" worded Lex. I said that. I think he's tried to say it a couple of times but it was on the phone and I couldn't hear what he said (or at least that is what I said afterwards "what? I couldn't hear you"), and I think the other time was while we were in bed but that could have been a dream. Or I was half asleep trying to actually be asleep to avoid having heard what I thought I heard. I probably was asleep dreaming that I was half asleep avoiding those words. I don't know. But now all of a sudden I am thinking about saying those words. Am I crazy? Or am I getting way too used to having him here day in and day out? Has he just grown on me like fungi?

I am very happy to have him in my life, I only wish he was of more use to me aside from cuddling and emotional support. I need a man that can take care of me financially as well as emotionally and physically. I feel secure in his arms yet not secure with him. Does that make sense? He has no security himself so does that not make him a good partner? He definitely is not someone I'd spend the rest of my life with. I don't see that happening, I don't see having children with him and growing old but that's not what either one of us want right now in the first place. One of the Vino's couples that comes in every week (one of the couples that got engaged on Turkey day while I was working), asked us when we were going to get married and we both, without even looking at one another said - ummm.. never! Well I think we said hell no or something to that equivelant. We reacted by saying the exact same thing is my point.

My roommate, remember him? He's supposedly coming home on Tuesday. I hope he has money. I need to pay bills in a baaaaaad way.

My new year's resolutions? Catch up on my bills, keep better track of those and my bank account. Quit smoking and lose about twenty pounds. I need to get more structure in my life. More discipline and live a more healthy lifestyle. It's a thought and I'm sure everyone's resolutions sound the same. Lose weight, quit smoking but that's what I want to do. That's what I will do. I'm hoping to keep a better tab on this diary as well to try to help keep myself on track. Wish me luck!

Hope you all have a safe great and Happy New Year's! Read ya in 2007.