l He found this... l

| January 30, 2007 || 12:33 a.m. |

Okay well he apparently found my last post when he opened my laptop to use it which is why this has been locked up for right now.

It caused a stir, that's sure indeedy but everything is fine right now. I've made things right and yes, he is still living with me.

I do love him but I know who my heart says is the right one and who I really should be with and it certainly is not him.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about Suisse as any sort of a possibility but lately, I really feel as if he is realizing what we had and what we have had is the right thing and the only thing he wants. I don't know. I've been drinking a bit of red wine and not completely clear headed but I think he may actually be coming around and realizing that here...with me... is where he wants to be and where he truly belongs.

I really thought I was over Suisse but to be honest I don't think I ever was. I think I finally was able to bury the hope that lies sleeping within. This last run of flirting and text messaging really kind of opened my eyes. He's been saying things that he normally wouldn't have said before, things that don't sound like things he would have said before. Perhaps he is finally realizing that he did love me and we are meant to be.

what's really horrible is sex with Lex is really horrible. I've tried to talk to him and let him know what it is that I like but it just doesn't seem to work. He's too much of a guy if that makes any sense at all.

Okay, well it's late and I really should go to bed. Lex has all ready gone in there which is why I have been able to write this much.

He's really too much for me right now. He calls and texts way too much. He tells me that he loves me way too much. I'm just getting so tired of hearing everything that he says and asks way too much. If I don't say hi and praise him for how or what he did at the house the minute I get home he asks if there is anything wrong with me...

He really reminds me of Milwaukee a lot. I hate to say that but he really does in that emotionally needy, babish kind of way. It's on bueno, seriously it is no bueno.