l A little bit more catching up done for today l

| August 28, 2008 || 8:06 p.m. |

I've been sitting here for over an hour now trying to write. It's hard getting back into the groove of things.

Okay, let's see. Where do I start? I was talking about my biological clock last I believe. it's a bitch that one, Sk, I read your note and honey it's ten times worse for me cause I've always wanted to have kids. I know Ch is younger then me & face it, when it comes to men they do develope slower then us maturity wise. He's still like a kid himself. One night, and I won't tell him this, but I was talking to him about how all my friends are getting married, having kids etc... Shit I'm closing in on 29 so that's bound to have been happening all ready. Well I wasn't hinting or even suggesting that I was disappointed to not be in the percentile when out of the blue he said "I'm not ready to get married... to anybody right now". My response was "uh, that's not what I was getting at but thanks for letting me know". I have to admit I was crushed. I mean the conviction in which he stated that was just a matter of fact tone. I am not rushing out to get married - honestly with my lil strange ummm... can't think of the word right now, libra things (for lack of brain function right now), I won't get married unless it's an even numbered year, so that makes 2010 the next year that I could possibly conceive of marrying. Doesn't mean that I can't get engaged. I've always wanted a some what long engagement & enough time after getting married to enjoy the actual marriage before having kids. But let's face it. All my life I've wanted to have kids around the age 32 which leaves me 2 years to enjoy a marriage kid-free if I did get married in the year 2010. I miss the days of being able to say "in ten years". Now it's more like... in 4-5 years. I'm not getting any younger dammit.

Why is it that I always end up finding myself in the relationship with the non committal ones? Don't get me wrong, he's as faithful as the day is long but he's not ready to be "tied down". I think it's a pretty damn good step in the right direction though that he's agreed to move into my house after his lease is up though. I can be happy with that for now, I guess. At least in the meantime I can make some money off of renting out my house and put more money into fixing it up. Seriously that cracked out ex roommate of mine has destroyed a lot of it along with her damned cats. I love my animals but they are all fixed and for the most part declawed. It'll be very nice to move into my home again once the carpet has been redone, hardwood floors throughout (or stained concrete, I can't decide which). I promised him I'd compromise with the furnishings and let him add his lil touches throughout the house. I kind of had to and those are the small sacrifices one makes when cohabitating with a significant other, no?

Next topic. Derby. Well we lost to the Wrecking Crew again. The first time by 1 pt (which after reviewing the tape we actually should have one by 3 pts but whatever) and this last playoff game we got fucked over by the ref(s) which both coincidentally quit right after the game. Nice. Whatever. So there we are, playing again for 3rd place - 2nd year in a row after bring undefeated my first year. I'm not getting burnt out but I am ready for this season to be over. Thankfully only a few more weeks left and only one bout left in which I have to skate. The month of October (my bday month), is jam packed of derby goodness - including the awards ceremony to which I am sure to again not win an award. I really don't give a shit, ya kind of give up on that hope after the first two years. hahahah I'm usually always the optimist huh?

I've packed on the pounds lately too. I think I'm up to a bit over 160 - very disappointing but it's to be expected with as much beer as I consume. I've started eating smaller portions and snacking on 90-100 calorie snack packs in between but the most difficult time is at night! Ch works til 230 sometimes as late as 4am and he always brings home what a burger. It's addicting and so delicious but oh so bad for a fat girl! I'm happy with my life but this is the time of year when I get very down in the dumps and needy... Yes, it's closing in on the 3 yr mark for my Mom. I'm trying to put something together for Ch's birthday since it shares the same date (Sept 25th) but I'm having a difficult time coming up with stuff. There are no cowboys games that week and the ranger games are the 3 days before but not on like last year. The one thing is for sure, I need to start saving up money for it. I have no clue what to get him and his answer when I ask is. "Haven't you figured out that I'm pretty simple?" He'd be happy if I bought him a bag of weed or a bottle of wild turkey (eeew). I'm not buying him anything he'd buy himself on a regular basis. What kind of gf would I be? Shit, I know he bought me a bottle of Cuer*vo (not even the pat*ron or cab* wab* that I like), for xmas but he more then made up for it on valentine's day when he spoiled me rotten. I wonder what he's gonna get me for my bday? LOL Not like I need to be thinking that far ahead anyways.

Oh crap. It's getting late. I have a league fundraiser I have to make an appearance at tonight, plus I have to do the dishes when I get home since I have neglected them from the time I walked into the door til now. Not looking forward to it but I also am using that as a way of getting next years league insurance paperwork done in time for tomorrow's deadline. Fun times.

I'll keep updating! I have a bunch more to write about to catch ya'll up to date. xoxo