l I hate so much right now. I hate hating. l

| March 15, 2009 || 1:40 a.m. |

I'm trying to put together a new template for this thing but I'm so rusty or perhaps it's the d but I can't seem to get it to work right. It's probably the d but whatever. I'm just not in a great mood tonight, sorry. I'm frustrated I guess. It's been a f'd up week at work. They gave me an ultimatum at work, either give up Dj'ing or get my pay cut in half, my hours cut in half AND get demoted to a part time sales associate! Oh and they gave me til Friday to decide & this was brought to my attention on TUESDAY. They know that I can't afford to quit, I can't afford to eat or put gas in my car if I quit, I might be able to afford my bills, maybe, but not for sure. I know they're only doing this because it's time to give raises & they're all ready fucking me out of my monthly bonuses. It's complete bullshit. I did manage to find a day job (receptionist) that I interviewed for on Thursday, but I had hoped they would have just offered it to me on the spot (it's for replacing a derby girl that is going overseas for a year tour of duty with the military), but he wanted to think about it. He did mention that or when he wanted me to start (which is in two weeks), so I would have to put my two weeks notice in immmediately. I have no qualms about giving less or even just telling them to fuck off & quit on the spot but I'd much rather give some kind of notice just to be nice but whatever, I really don't care anymore. I'm hopeful that they'll give me a decision by early next week. In the meantime since my first bout of the season is next saturday & that's the only night that's "inconvenient" for their scheduling due to my Dj'ing, I figured I could get away with saying that my boss was willing to work around my full time manager schedule so I didn't actually have to quit. *coughbullshitcough* Hey, whatever works for now right? If I hear from this small company next week I'll be able to give my notice immediately & let them know when my last day will be. It'll be just shy of 2 weeks but like I said I really don't care anymore.

I can't even write anything right now. I'm depressed & hormonal. I haven't started my period yet & I don't really remember when I started last month but I am pretty sure it was sometime early in the month. I bought a couple tests today but haven't taken one yet. I might in the morning but I'm kind of hoping I'll just wait until I actually start. Hoping actually, that I'll actually start tomorrow. ya know the old murphy's law, buy a test then start the next day. Cross your fingers folks, I can't afford to be pregnant. It's not time & I'm no way near ready despite what my biological clock keeps telling me. Snooze bar, where are you? I used to hit you all the fucking time!?! Where'd that snooze bar go?? Dammit. I hate this feeling.

I will write more. I'm actually gonna call sprint tomorrow or Monday. Soon. I need internet at home desperately. I want to be able to update when I'm not working. distracted. I love you all.

Have a happy easter. love the ones you with and be with the ones you love.