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| Wednesday, Sept. 11, 2002 || 10:30 a.m. |

I must to this quick and I hope I do not forget what I desperately wanted to write about last night...

The Zsa Zsa Zsu ~ for all of you who follow Sex in the City you will understand what I am talking about it.

Is it all about the Zsa Zsa Zsu? Yes, I know for me it is. I love my milwaukee and miss those zsa zsa zsu days, now I will have my memories and hopes of rekindling our life together.

I remember the little things like the lilac. I had almost forgot about that until Miranda rediscovered it with Steve. Milwaukee picked liliac for me, he loves that smell and I never knew what it was out side of the bottles of lotions in which I was accustomed.

We had a wonderful beautifully amazing night while I was visiting. Champagne, strawberries, blindfolds, lingerie, whip cream and a whip (the restraints we saved for another occassion). He brought me fresh liliac from the trees outside and I became his ultimate fantasy with just a lil lingerie and make-up. I played him music, gave him a lil private show. He nearly cried when he saw me. He said he thought he was dreaming and I stepped right out of his untapped desires and fantasies.

Since returning to OC I have retired that wig and the entire outfit. I no longer possess the desire to even touch myself (unless I am on the phone with him, lord knows we have amazing phone sex). He says he is worried about me meeting someone new or dating period, I have the same concerns about him. But what he must realize is I have no desire, I have no want of another person other than him... I might as well me married to him now for I will always be milwaukee's.

I just received a call back from an apartment I had questions about before leaving. It is still available on the 1st of October. A studio, right near where Milwaukee lives (he has just clued me in to the area in which he lives) $375/mo no extra for Torin and assigned parking for $30/mo. If only I could come up with the money to move in deposit and all plus afford the gas to get out there. This time I would only drive what could fit in my car, the absolute necessities... It actually wouldn't take much money. I would have to get caught up on my car payments which would be the most right now. Then maybe fill up 4-5 times on the way accross. I could do it probably in 2 days... My car gets amazing gas mileage... So we're looking at $500 for my car, $100 in gas, $750 to move in and $200 for extras... So $1550 total... Any one have any ideas how I can get this in two weeks? Legitimately of course...

Please email me some ideas... I need help BIG TIME!