l I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else getting me frustrated. l

| Thursday, Dec. 26, 2002 || 3:41 p.m. |

I am not really sure what I should even write in here anymore. I feel as if I can�t really divulge all of the information that I once used to so willingly. I guess I am starting to feel as a few others here in d~land at least my co-workers don�t read this shit� in that regard I am fine. I do think that I get myself into trouble when I let people I date know about this lil spot� Hmmm interesting. What is censorship anyways? I guess if I don�t want to write about it I really shouldn�t be doing but then again do I want the entire world to know my most intimate secrets? I guess those are all really good questions with really good answers I am sure�

Does this sound at all like me?

Don't Want To Commit

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving � and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party.

But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all.

I had an amazing Christmas considering the lack of family & money. I rec�d a really nice digital camera that can even make movies! (silent jpegs) How fun is that? It�s the brand spankin new FujiFilm FinePix 2650. I kinda ruined the surprise when I opened the extra memory card first then the carrying case! Oops! I had no idea really, if she would have been paying attention to moi rather than the Aussie then that would not have happened� lol

Before I headed to Cheers my mom, the Aussie & I had a really good talk about Milwaukee. My mom has of course filled him in on all that I have been through (as to why I don�t know, she gets pissed at me when I share her shit�), and although my mom thinks I am crazy for even considering getting back together with him she said that it would take a lot for him to prove himself to her but she just wants to see me happy� I cried so hard talking about it & my mom just stood there and hugged me� that may have been because Aussie was there but I don�t care it was nice�

I think everyone came out of the wood works to play last night at Cheers. Boy did we play! I had a lil too much fun after the bar closed� I really did not want to go home nor did I want to come back to work. What�s the point really? I mean two days� other than the fact that I need the paycheck desperately there is not much going on to go to work for two days only to have another three-day week next week. At least I get paid for the time off for New Years. I know I am gonna suffer having taken half of Friday & all of Monday off but it was worth it.

Tonight I am headed to the Boom with GB to move n� groove not too mention see the hottie bartender! I still can�t believe that night� and the rest of my weekend either! Whoo! Here�s to ringing in a good new year for once!