l Listening to Whispers in the Wind l

| Tuesday, March 26, 2002 || 11:00 a.m |

With out having watched �Beautiful Mind�, I can relate to it immensely. Only in my case it is not schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder, just plain egocentricism. Maybe that is not the precise verbiage but my point is I think too much. So much in fact I often hear many different conversations taking place at the same time within my own psychosis. I have been told (refer to archived emails) that I have a tendency of exuding many different personas. Huh? I guess I switch my personalities quite frequently� Or so I have been told� what do you think? I don�t know you tell me� Lol

I feel as if I am more of a chameleon. I have the ability to relate to a wide range of people. I would like to think that this is a positive thing, yet the concern that this person had seemed to be one of a negative or difficult nature. Am I hard to approach on certain levels?

Okay, so this journal/diary has become a little more about introspection then details of my daily encounters� Let me fill y�all in� I had such a nice lazy weekend; it was my first few days off from working 10 days back to back� My dear friend Ms. Neighbor-girl (formerly Ms. One-is-never-enough) came over after putting up a deposit for an apartment across the way from me! We did not move off of the couches at all! It was a girl movie day/night all the way until the Oscar the following day. We have got to be the most stereotypical girls in history. After spending well over 29 hours together watching movies and vegetating, we talked to each other for 3 hours while both watching the Oscars! Not more than one hour had gone by before we got on the phone! I told her I would not be surprised if when she moves in that we will still talk on the phone while chatting online to each other just because neither one wants to walk across the way� Isn�t that pathetic? I think it is just too hilarious� Well, what else? Not much, I went to Cheer�s Sunday night but only for maybe 2 hours�Not too many of the crew was there� Monday, just went to the mom�s to enter this stuff and check email, then went home and vegged while talking to Ms. Neighbor-girl. Go figure!

Tonight we, the girls, decided to go to Taco Tuesday for a change of pace� Which was very nice. I actually got to dance like I used to� I really miss dancing and need to get off my ass and go. I need to call �That girl� and drag her ass out with me! I miss my lil Long Beach fashion whore! We both do very well at keeping in touch, but that�s a Gemini for ya! Always to busy to call! Just Kidding.

I heard from my Alaskan man tonight, can�t say that I wasn�t excited! Although, after reluctantly dropping him off at home I received a call at 1:22 am, umm can we say Booty call? Just kidding� Well not really� He said he was coming over, despite my better judgement I agreed� I think he was a lil too intoxicated to be driving, but he wanted to come over and I really don�t mind sharing my bed with him again� tee-heh-hee�

However I am worried about him! He never showed up! I was awaiting his arrival around� oh I thought no later than 2 am� came and went� I tried calling�answering machine� I left no answer� 2:30 - I drove around my lot opening gates and checking to see if anyone was waiting around� nothing� 3 am I went to bed with the phone clutched in my hands willing myself to wake if there was a knock at the door� 4 am I awoke to a noise that must have been the phone� I answered it only to hear beeps� dazed and disoriented from slumber I said hello and pressed 9 with no response other than a dial tone� I kept my head up and on alert for almost 15 minutes incase the gate had open and my prince had finally arrived� again nothing�

I hope he is okay� I was worried all night thinking of car crashes, Dui�s, and him wondering amongst the sea of apartments in my community, or even just sitting there not knowing how to through the gate. My hope is he just passed out, I would hate to think of the latter.

**My god is love, living inside me. Ecstasy�s coming, you are my heaven** ~ Lotus