l Life as a cheese l

| Friday, Mar. 14, 2003 || 11:50 a.m. |

There is hope after all. I am becoming increasingly more confident in my abilities to survive in Southern California on my own. Mind you I have only had a full 24 hours since my mom made her exit across state line but I have yet to shed a real tear. Could the gravity of the situation be looming in the murky shadows of my mind? Perhaps. She did call last night about ten minutes before Friends. They had made it to Tucson and since the time zone changed she only got to watch Will & Grace so she wanted to make sure that I was going to watch Friends. My mom is too funny.

I have friends, I do. As much as I tend to think that I don�t I realized that I had some that were just kind of hidden, in the blind spot so to speak. Breezy is a great gal pal that I have known for sometime now yet kind of never took the time to really get to know. This last Wednesday we played pool together for the first time ever. This actually made a difference. A common interest was sparked. She began telling the girls and me about this new guy in her life and I connected with her on that. So the yesterday after many emails being exchanged we decided to get together and chat about our lives. This was the first time not only had we spent alone hanging out but really bonding. I don�t know why I never really gave our friendship a chance before but I am sure glad I am now. We discussed the many thoughts that us women have constantly running through our boggling minds. E.g.: Guys that are too clingy make us realize that life is too short to be stuck in a relationship. Then guys that are so sweet & we can see good things could come from something all of a sudden life is too short so we start thinking about marriage, having kids etc. Women bounce back an forth nearly everyday about what we want. One day I am so happy to be living alone then BAM! I start talking to some cute guy that I can totally see myself living with or having a serious long-term relationship with (just an example not currently a reality). Then I might meet some meat-head that immediately starts talking about marriage/kids/our first vacation and I jump two feet backwards and don�t even want him to call me much less do I want to hear his fumbling football playing stammering bullshit!

Sometimes I feel as if I am just waiting for the right person to come along and sweep me off my feet, then two seconds later I am contemplating whether I should go on a first date or dancing with my friends???

My life is like Swiss cheese: can be great alone but it is always full of holes.