l I could always try again next year... l

| Wednesday, Jan. 22, 2003 || 9:29 a.m. |

WoW! I can actually pack without the assistance or even the companionship of someone else... It's a miracle.

After watching the public humiliation of thousands last night, I am really starting to wish that I had auditioned for American Idol II. I was thinking of the time off I'd had to have taken to sleep on the sidewalks of Hollywood then I see the people who drove hundreds of miles leaving themselves stranded, guys who were expecting their first born on the same day of the auditions... this is and always has been my dream yet I can not seem to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve it. Plain & simple thrown directly into my face last night "I let my dream take a back seat to reality" How wrong is that?

I guess I tend to think that I need money before I can make money but that just isn't true is it? I take a long look at my Great Uncle, he never even had a high school education yet he has started a company many moons ago & now is a multi-milionaire continuing to run his large international corporate conglomerate.

I really don't know which direction I should turn when it comes to my own career. I have soo many interests & talents...

writing

singing

learning more about html & computers (complete internet junkie would like to put the addiction to good use)

analysis of anything scientific

interior design

socialite (lord knows I can communicate & socialize!)

Ooh god so I can not think right now to list it all accurately. Well you get the gist of it anyways.

I want to travel

I want to dress for success ~ think Julia Roberts in most of her movies

I want to be admired

respected

it's not the power

it's not the money

it's the feeling of accomplishment

it's knowing the I am in control

it's being everything I see in my dreams & grasping them

I'd love to follow my Uncle or Webmaster around learning everything they know, about everything they do, picking their brains so I can take control once the reins are ready to be passed on... I wish I could have done the initial work myself, but realistically I am a leader in need of molding, shaping, growing...

I hate to say it but I feel like a Chia~Angel... give me the chance then watch me grow.